Fee Fi Hangover Faux Pho

Fall is just a hop, a skip and a jump away! 'Tis the season for hoodies, football and comfort foods... the best time of the year, if you ask me!

For me,  football season means one thing: brain-splitting hangovers... Best cured with a few tried-and-true remedies. First, a nice big glass of Coca Cola, sans the ice. (The ice may remind me of that moment between the previous night's 6th and 9th Ketel Sodas).  Second, at least 12 hours of "sleep" (rolling around in sweaty sheets, fighting hot flashes and nausea).  Geez!  Why do I do this to myself, week in and week out?! Oh, right! It's because I'm weak, people, weak. Aaaand because it "sure was reeeeally fun" at the time -this old dog just don't learn nuthin', be it new or old.  But most hungover days, even with the soda and the sleep, I find myself feeling a bit off.  And that usually means I'll need one of two things: Pho - Vietnamese noodle soup, pronounced "fuh" - or delivery  Chinese food (both best consumed pantless for ultimate comfort).

Back to the super soup that is so pho-king awesome! It's usually prepared with a complex mixture of meats and bones seasoned with a bouquet of whole spices like star anise, fennel and cinnamon sticks. But when you've just dropped $200 on a bar tab, you're going to want something a little cheaper and faster (soooo much faster).  And that's why/how I developed this faux pho recipe. Brought to you by my hangover: delicious Pho, in half the time and ingredients, without sacrificing all the flavor and healing properties of its deliciousness.

The things you will need to eventually make your body feel better ( there is no "one recipe cure" for drunk texting and/or waking up next to someone you don't remember ) are as follows:

I suggest starting your hangover day with a basic fried egg sandwich, a glass of Coca Cola - chilled but no ice - and a glass of water (no ice). **DO NOT chug the water! You are dehydrated and will easily become waterlogged, leaving you with nothing but "boot-it-up" feelings. And those are the most terrible feelings...ever.** Then begin the Faux Pho process. Make a lot! You'll want to eat it over the next couple of days. For all the young bucks out there that can still stomach cheap rail alcohol and sweetened "frou frou" mixed drinks - welp... screw you! Soon enough you'll be in my old worn-out shoes and your hangover will last for days... if not a week. Or two. They say some things get better with age, but (unlike alcohol), alcoholics do not! Best of luck to you and yours - may the pho be with you.

This is pho.  It will save your hungover life.

Premeditated grocery list:

**Planning a night out on the town? Buy your groceries ahead of time. You can store most of these ingredients in a pantry or in the freezer and thaw the day before.**

For the broth:

1. A few Marrow bones - Find these in the meat department or ask the butcher. They are super cheap - the 3 hunks pictured above were about $2
2. 3 cartons meat stock - I had 2 beef and 1 chicken at home so I used those. (Substituting a third of chicken stock mutes the coloring of the soup, but still delivers salty deliciousness.)
3. Water (see step by step instructions for amounts)
4. 1 ginger root - peeled and cut in half lengthwise
5. 1/2 white onion -cut into 4 wedges
6. 1 tbsp. of chinese five spice
7. 1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon
   

For the hearty part of the soup:

1. Red meat - I used "thin cut" top round steaks. Two run for about $3
2. 1 package of Rice noodles - found in the international isle.  I prefer these flat and broad but Pad Thai noodles work well too. 
3. 1/2 white onion sliced ridiculously thin 
4. chopped green onion for garnish 
5. handful of chopped cilantro for garnish 

Optional toppings that I would not suggest leaving out:

1. handful of fresh Thai Basil
2. 1 thinly sliced jalapeno
3. fresh lime wedges
4. bean sprouts
5. Sriracha
6. Hoisin sauce

Let the healing begin:
First add your marrow bones to your stock pot then add just enough water to cover the bones.

Boil the bones on high for about 10 minutes (to get rid of any funkiness and/or impurities). Then remove the bones and set them aside. Dump out the icky water, rinse your stock pot, and get ready to start making edible things.

Combine all of your stocks, the "cleaned" marrow bones, and enough water to fill the pot about 6 inches from the top. Roast your onion and ginger under a broiler until just browned on both sides.

Bring the stock pot to a boil and add your roasted ingredients, Chinese five spice and cinnamon. Turn the heat down to low and simmer your broth for at least 3 hours.

 I like to pre-arrange my garnishes, then take a necessary hangover nap or t.v. veg session while my broth gets yummy.

Prepare your noodles according to the package instructions.  Rinse them with cold water, drain, and set aside. On a plate, set up some bean sprouts, cut your limes, add the mint and jalapenos, and set aside. You may also use this time to retrace your drunken steps. Call around and find out where your shoes are, how you got home, and whether you happened to embarrass anyone (especially yourself) - this is also known as damage control.

Slice your meat against the grain (the picture above shows that the grain in the meat runs vertically compared to the placement of the knife). Trim the fat from the steak and begin to slice the meat super thin. The thinner the better. Seriously, make it see-through-thin and be sure to use an extra sharp knife. Take your time and mind your fingertips. Refrigerate the slices until your broth is ready.

In a large bowl, stack a handful of noodles, a handful of the uncooked steak, a pinch of cilantro and a pinch of green onion.

If you want to eat just as soon as your broth has steeped then hold a mesh strainer over your setup bowl (to separate the broth from the hunks of marrow and fat) and ladle your piping hot broth over the meat to "cook "it. Fill the bowl with broth - just enough to cover your noodles. If you want to save your soup for later: refrigerate the broth overnight, then skim off the marrow chunks and fatness.  Reheat the broth so it is boiling hot and pour over the meat in your preset bowl.

Add your garnishes. I top the soup off with a little of everything from the garnish plate and awesome sauces (sriracha and hoisin) to taste.  **I like a lot of the sauces - about a tablespoon of Hoisin sauce and TWO tablespoons of Sriracha.** Take it slow and mix it all in, tasting as you go until you're totally yummified. Eat your Pho! The classic way is to use chopsticks to mound a "perfect" bite into the spoon. Layer each ingredient into the spoon and scoop in some broth, then munch it down! Congratulations -  you'll be feeling A okay in no time!

...And that's what the pho is up.