CNBC reports that just hours after releasing a new app, called “Friends Nearby,” Facebook killed the app. “Friends Nearby” allowed users to instantly find, or as CNBC hints, “stalk” friends, family members, acquaintences, co-workers, random people who friended you, and people you knew in grade three, but didn’t see for the past 15 years because they’ve been in jail. According to CNBC, Facebook stated:
“This wasn’t a formal release – this was something that a few engineers were testing. With all tests, some get released as full products, others don’t. Nothing more to say on this for now – we’ll communicate to everyone when there is something to say”
Apparently Facebook engineers are mad scientists who test out any old thing that may invade people’s privacy, but don’t worry, folks, only some applications tested will be released as full products! Sure, some others may be available for several hours to some people who hopefully aren’t holding a grudge for the People’s Elbow you gave them while imitating Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in the schoolyard in the 1990s.
3 Worse Apps Facebook Could Test For A Few Hours
1. An App that tells you the killer is calling from the other line “inside the house” just like the various movie versions of When A Stranger Calls. You haven’t had a land line since 2000 or a house since it was repossessed in 2009! What kind of inaccurate, fear-mongering app is this? As an aside, in the most recent version of “When A Stranger Calls,” why is the babysitter so surprised a stranger is calling? She just went to the house of strangers, to babysit their stranger children – did she really expect, in a world of six billion people that her BFF would mis-dial to a cabin in the middle of the woods?
2. An app that transforms all of the virtual items people bought on Farmville and other games into real items! It’s bad enough a stranger keeps calling from the other line of your 220 square foot San Francisco apartment - now the room is also full of real pigs and tractors! You are soooooo getting evicted, if the landlord can ever get through on your phone line once the stranger stops calling.
The good news is when all of your virtual Farmville pigs turn into real pigs, you can turn your 220 square foot apartment into a for-profit tourist attraction, something you couldn’t do with all the virtual pigs you invested in!
3. A Timeline that uses chronological order. You know, maybe put your stories in sequence, instead of randomly moving them from the left to the right to “Early in July” to “where the @#$% did my photo go!” We say this would be a “worse” app, because it would lead to less time spent trying to find that five-year old Panama City Spring Break beach keg-stand photo. This wouldn’t be worse for you, but may be worse for investors and other parties who really want you to spend more time on Facebook. And that includes the State of California, which now expects half the tax revenue it originally expected from Facebook investors, according to Fox Business News. So don’t expect debt-laden California to help you find that keg-stand photo while you were vacationing in rival sunshine state Florida!
