“Learn to separate yourself from the eating disorder”
Heard that yet from your therapist? If you are in very early recovery you are not going to understand what they mean. You and the eating disorder are still very much one unit. Are psychiatrist used this image to help Sophie understand.
- Cover one hand with the other: that’s you and the eating disorder at the beginning. The ED is totally controlling you.
- Then slowly, gradually start to move the hands apart: As you recover and learn more, you can start to see two separate entities, yourself and the ED.
- Finally, your two hands are far apart: you are no longer controlled by the ED, you are your own person.
Both carers and sufferers must learn this separation technique. It is critical for recovery. It removes the blame and the idea the person is the problem. It shows that the eating disorder is a separate voice and thinking pattern to you. The eating disorder is the problem, never ever the person.
One of the best ways of becoming aware of the ED and how it is separate to you, is to learn to externalise the eating disorder. Like it is a separate being. It also empowers you to be able to make positive changes and think encouraging thoughts. It disempowers the eating disorder and the control is has on your life.
1. Give it a name
This may sound weird, but it does work. Give the ED a name. Ana, Mia, Ed, anything. This makes the illness separate to you. You address the illness. You see it as a separate entity to yourself. This gives some distance and makes the illness objective rather than personal.
2. You are not a label (or a victim)
Don’t call yourself or others the ‘anorexic’ or the ‘bulimic’. Doing this ignores the sufferer as a person. They become a label or statistic. You are a person with a mental health illness called anorexia. All the things that made you unique as a person before this illness are still there and still real. The idea that you are a victim, also removes your power as a person. The word makes you feel you are unable to take control of your own life.
3. You still have a voice
It’s just silenced. That’s what the ED does. Learning to exercise your voice and make it strong again, gives you back the control. Just because all you hear at the moment is the loud, negative and destructive ED voice, that that is all there is. Your voice is still there, underneath, and can be developed to be stronger than the ED voice.
4. Make third party statements
When you don’t eat your scheduled meals, or you choose ED behavior ask questions that don’t point the finger at you.
- How did the eating disorder make you skip lunch?
- What did Ana tell you today about yourself?
- That’s the eating disorder voice I hear, what does (your name) think or feel?
- Who made that statement, you or Ana?
5. Notice your vulnerable triggers and times
Eating disorders use certain ‘weak’ points, situations, times of the day, certain people to trip you up. ED behavior and slip-ups are always stronger at these times. Being aware and forewarned can help you beat the ED at it’s own game.
6. Don’t beat yourself up
When you find it too exhausting or too hard to separate from the ED and you just let the ED do it’s thing, be gentle on yourself. It takes a lot of time and learning to get the separation/externalisation happening. You have lived for so long with the ED being often the only voice in your head. Your own voice is rusty from dis-use and like any unused item, takes a while to work.
7. Believe
Yes, externalising the ED is possible. It is a real thing and can happen for anyone and everyone. But it’s not a magic pill or wand. It needs commitment and skills but achieving this is a major step forward in recovery. It opens your eyes to the real character of the eating disorder and it shows you the beauty of your own voice. Therapy with a skilled professional really helps with learning this process.
