A friend of mine recently pointed out that I don’t stop at stop signs. I argued that there was clearly a second’s pause before I take off again, if the coast is clear. Her definition of “stopping” means the car has to have a chance to settle before I take off again. My response? Who has the time for that??
Really, who has time to waste these days, in the hustle and bustle of work, projects, and various activities. In fact, I don’t think I know how to NOT multi-task anymore. At work I tend to have 5-10 windows and who knows how many tabs are open simultaneously, allowing me to jump from one task to the next, with a quick Facebook breather in between. I work through my lunches, text coworkers my latte order while driving (we are an office of caffeine addicts), call my friends and family while walking from one place to another, mentally going over my weekly schedule while at the gym, and omigosh when will I find time for that much needed haircut? You get the idea. Instead of being present at one event, I am already planning my next hour/day’s activities. Heck, I’m reading three different books right now and am not more than halfway through each one.
Finding Focus
I am not ok with how the over-activity has affected my spiritual life. As in, I do not give to God as much of my time as I should. And when I do set aside time in prayer and meditation, I lack the self control necessary to prevent my thoughts from wandering to….whatever activity I’ve got going on next. Moments like this make me realize how much I am lacking direction – I’d lost focus on what to prioritize. This is pretty much when anxiety and stress takes over, forcing me to take a breather.
After talking to my peers, I can confidently say that this is a pretty common issue for the majority of us. We’re so busy with doing, doing, doing, that we often neglect the importance of just being. We’re often so insecure about being perceived as interesting people that we forget about comfortable with our own selves.
Being comfortable with myself means acknowledging my weaknesses along with my strengths. It means admitting that my motivations may not be the purest, that my words not always so kind, and that my actions are not always so justified. My interior self-deprecating voice will come out in the silence when I pause, and will make me think that these mistakes and actions define me, and that I’m not a person of worth. But I suppose it’s important to pinpoint our weaknesses. As Catholic writer Matthew Kelly points out, “By transforming your weaknesses to strengths, the gifts God wants to endow you with will begin to expand.”
Making Time
I’ve been trying to set aside a couple of hours every now and then to be truly alone and to just be present. I mean turning my phone off to go for a walk around my neighborhood, enjoying the Farmer’s Market, making a Holy Hour (time set out solely for prayer), and allowing myself to reflect on various aspects of my life, without the anxiousness of feeling lonely or as though precious time is being wasted.
This has been profoundly helpful in putting some peace in my heart. Not only is it rejuvenating to slow things down a little, but also time alone allows me to put things in perspective, form disciplined habits, and accept that I can’t do it all. Sometimes, it’s okay to say no people. To not go out to every social event. And, dare I say it, to not be able to complete every task on my to-do list. The world won’t end – and life still goes on. And I can just pick up where I left off the next day.
Has anyone else ever felt this way?
*I just thought I’d try something new on this blog and post about something other than fashion. (Though the style posts are coming!) Thanks for listening!
