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Dogs Married In $158,187.26 Wedding! Why Are You Still Single?

By Nottheworstnews @NotTheWorstNews

The Modesto Bee reports that two dogs got married in a benefit for the Humane Society of New York in a Guinness Book Of World Record setting wedding, setting the record for most expensive pet wedding at $158,187.26!

We hope that if you’re single, your mom was not invited to this particular wedding, as she may start nagging you about the fact that bride Baby Hope Diamond was able to find her Mr. Right (a.k.a. poodle groom Chilly Pasternak) and you’re still single, eating Mr. Noodles in your apartment under the Williamsburg Bridge, with your four hipster aspiring-artist roommates.

Dogs Married In $158,187.26 Wedding! Why Are You Still Single?

Perhaps you’re still single because of your poor choice of perfume?

Although these may not have been your dogs, with dogs getting married earlier and earlier these days, they very well could have been, so in case this ever happens to you, here are:

3 Worse Things Than Your Dog Getting Married Before You

1. Not being asked to be the bridesmaid at your dog’s wedding! Really, so this is how it’s gonna be after years of pooping and scooping after your dog? It’s not your fault that your dog went all Hollywood after starring in some documentary called the Queen of Versailles, opening in theaters this Friday, and chose the film’s stars Virginia Nebab and Jackie Siegel (whoever they are) as the female members of her wedding party.

2. Being asked to be the bridesmaid at some other dog’s wedding! Look, if you live under the Williamsburg bridge, the occasional stray mutt couple is gonna have an impromptu wedding in front of your building and need some witnesses to make things official. That’s just how it works out there, “So suck it up, and help a bitch out!” the dog will say, as it asks you to help put on her American Apparel wedding dress.

3. Catching the bouquet at a wedding full of dog guests. Good God, someone just threw something in a banquet hall full of dogs, and you caught it! In seconds, packs of dog guests will be jumping in the air, toward your face, trying to retrieve the bouquet and return it to the human bride!

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