Doctor Fartolo...Doctor Fartolo

Or...life imitates baseball at the opera...or something.
by Paul J. Pelkonen

It's a good thing he doesn't own a home in Seville: Bartolo Colón
Photo © 2014 New York Mets Baseball Club.
Property of Major League Baseball.

Those who have seen Giaochino Rossini's opera The Barber of Seville know (and probably love) the finale of Act I where  Count Almaviva, pretending to be a drunk (and very aggressive) soldier attempts to secure soldier's lodgings in the home of Doctor Bartolo, the cranky old attorney who is the villain of the show. In fact it is just another of the Count's ploys to woo Rosina, the young ingenue who is the focus of both men's efforts to win her hand in marriage.
Attempting to bluff his way into Bartolo's house, the Count deliberately mangles his host's name, referring to him as Doctor "Balordo" (dull) "Barbaro" (barbarian) and whatever other malapropisms the tenor, bass and supertitle writer have worked out before doing the scene.
Well, thanks to Denver Post sportswriter Benjamin Hochman's coverage of last night's game between the Colorado Rockies and the New York Mets, future tenors have a new insult to heap on the beleaguered dottore. According to this story on SBNation, Mr. Hochman referred to Mets starting pitcher Bartolo Colón as...wait for it...
"FARTOLO."
This followed a game where Mr. Colón gave up seven runs and (bizarrely) ran to first base while still carrying his bat. (He previously played in the American League, where the Designated Hitter rule keeps the pitcher out of the batter's box, which might explain why he ran while holding the bat.)
We now return you to regular non-baseball programming.