This wonderful post offers a deeper side of distraction. When your list is working for you, when maybe you are further along and its time to dig a bit deeper in the emotions and mind. I love the part of breaking things down into small manageable pieces and dealing with emotions in bite sized chunks. It helps you not be overwhelmed by it all, solving small pieces and gradually stringing them all together.
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From: http://susanschulherr.com/eating_disorder_recovery_blog/2009/09/coping-beyond-distraction-expanding-skills-for-living-in-eating-disorder-recovery/
Most of you are working on learning better ways to handle distress than turning to your eating disorder. This is an excellent project! Your success with it will go far to help you build a solid recovery.
Many people—with or without eating disorders—turn first to distraction as a way to manage difficult feelings. By distraction I mean diverting your focus from the upsetting thing to something unrelated, to get your mind off the upset. You’ve probably figured out that your eating disorder has been an unhealthy version of distraction. But maybe you’ve also found that listening to music, gardening, going to the movies or laughing with a friend can be healthy distractions.
I personally like distraction as a coping mechanism. I wouldn’t want to face life without it as an option. I find it can be a helpful choice when:
• I need to quiet down so I can consider a problem or upset more calmly and clearly
• I’ve worn out the usefulness of thinking about a problem for the time being
• There’s nothing I can do about a problem or upset
Several potential drawbacks go hand–in–hand with using even healthy distractions to cope, however. Most of these have to do with misuse or overuse.
The most common misuse of distraction comes from confusing it with an actual solution. Distraction at its best is only intended to provide a temporary resting place when you need a break from focusing on resolving your distress. When your distress is too intense or you’ve focused too long, a break is a good idea. Bur when you use distraction as a substitute for working out a problem or coming to terms with distress, you run into trouble. It’s the “ostrich with its head in the sand.” You not only fail to resolve anything, you build a reputation with yourself as someone who can’t handle difficult experiences. The next time something hard comes up, you haven’t developed any confidence in yourself. So you’ll be more likely to turn to distraction as a substitute. It’s a vicious cycle.
Overuse of distraction is likely to occur when you don’t have sufficient alternatives for coping with your distress. When you turn to another focus, you don’t come back. You may tend to get lost in your distraction activities. You start to play video games, surf the net or read a novel and suddenly the whole day is gone. Many addictive activities start out in exactly this way.
There are two coping challenges for which you need more and better coping tools than distraction. The first is problem solving. The second is managing difficult emotions.
Let’s consider some alternatives to distraction for times when either challenge is threatening to overwhelm you.
Problem Solving
Everybody runs into problems that seem overwhelming from the start or bog us down and frustrate us as we try to find resolution. You might try one or more of the following techniques which successful problem solvers use to see themselves through to the end:
• “Talking yourself through” confusion, uncertainty and frustration; for example, offering yourself reassurance or a steadying voice: You can do this or You’ll be okay or Just stay with it.
• Reminding yourself of times when you successfully handled other difficulties that at first seemed overwhelming
• Breaking the problem down into small, more manageable pieces
• Asking for help
Managing Difficult Emotions
There are many approaches to managing difficult emotions. All of them have something to offer as you work on developing this basic life skill. The important thing is that you find approaches that suit you—and that you use them! Here are a few examples:
• Dealing with only small doses of feelings at any given time
• Thinking of soothing, comforting responses
• Imagining yourself in a peaceful place or with a comforting person while you feel the feelings
• Learning to sort out and correct distorted thoughts that are making you feel even worse, such as Nothing ever goes my way; I’m such a loser; Nobody will ever love me, and so forth
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• Engaging in mindfulness meditation in which you learn to observe your feelings rather than be totally in them
• Praying (if this fits with your beliefs)
• Walking, exercising or practicing yoga while experiencing the feelings
• Sharing your feelings with people who are sympathetic and calming
Remember that none of these techniques is likely to provide instant relief. But your effectiveness in using them will get better with practice. And as you get better, you’ll have more confidence in yourself. You’ll be able and willing to take on more in life.
