(I use daughter in this post, but please know it is for both sons and daughters)
What is it with dad’s and responding appropriately to their daughter’s eating disorder?? Would you treat her differently if she had another illness?
What little research has been done, is showing father’s have a bigger impact than mother’s in the development of ED’s.
Interesting how up til now no one has even bothered to include father’s in the research. Yet research abounds of how important fathers are in the development of a daughters stability, sexuality, femininity and emotional health. It is obvious that father’s would have to impact on eating disorder development. Again, let me make the very clear point, you cannot give your daughter an eating disorder nor is the blame the parents. Your daughter could have developed depression, addictions, run away or not did any negative behavior. It is the genetic tendencies that decide how your daughter is going to react to family situations.
Do fathers ignore/deny eating disorders because:
- you don’t know anything about eating disorders?
- you don’t know what to say or do?
- you feel helpless when you see your ‘little’ girl?
- you think this is your wife’s area?
- you think men don’t do sickness?
- you think women should look after women?
- you think mother’s are more responsible?
Daughters NEED their father’s support and input during eating disorder recovery. Your wife NEEDS your help and support for both your daughter and herself. Without you being on the same page as everyone else in the household, you are only creating divisions and bitterness.
One mom recently said how she went away for a week for work. Her husband had to do all the eating disorder therapy appointments with their daughter. One session with our dietitian (we all share the same male dietitian) and he now gets how important it is for him to be there and understands why his daughter behaves like she does. Maybe we could hire our dietitian out – he makes it damn clear fathers need to understand exactly what ED’s are about and how to interact with their daughters. He also makes it damn clear that fathers must be involved in the recovery process. Another friend said how our psychiatrist helped clear some of the misconceptions and unhelpful remarks her husband was guilty of.
Father’s are just as much needed in the care role as mothers. Every part of recovery is for both parents: refeeding, therapy sessions, communicating, listening … . It means learning about not just the physical symptoms and treatment of eating disorders, but the psychological, emotional and behavioural issues that eating disorders bring. It means learning to relate appropriately. It means not trying to fix things – just be there and listen and be supportive.
Caring for someone with an eating disorder is not just a women’s role. The whole family is involved from the inception of the ED to it’s diagnosis, treatment, recovery, relapses etc. You may have to learn how to communicate, you may have to learn how to be a father a teenager daughter can relate to. Is that too much? Seriously how much do you value your daughter’s life and her freedom from an eating disorder illness.
Next post, I will have a whole pile of links and resources that are there for fathers to help them relate to their teenagers, young adult children and how to understand eating disorders.
