Dating Magazine

Communication & Affection: 5 Lessons Learned

By Shauntee @shaunteebattie

Communication & Affection: 5 Lessons LearnedAs a communications major, I’ve learned a lot about communication and the process in which we communicate. It has always been my belief that your upbringing plays a huge part in the way we communicate with others as adults. I believe this same belief applies to the way we show affection and love towards others. Have you ever dated someone who seems to be emotionally void or maybe they didn’t know how to effectively show affection? Talking to this person ends up being emotionally draining and you have no choice but to look at them like they’re crazy as all hell. They never know the right thing to say or they say something so stupid until you wish they wouldn’t have said anything at all.

It’s really hard to explain, but I’m sure if you do some soul searching you can remember very distinct moments that this has happened to you. There’s a huge disconnect and you feel like something is missing. During my 20+ years of dating and spending some of those years married I’ve learned 5 key things about communication and affection and why it’s important to date someone on your same communication wave length.

Those who were never shown love don’t know how to effectively give love

I’m not sure how families operate without some form of affection but it happens. Some families are simply more affectionate than others. They show plenty of love and affection toward each other and communicate often. How does this affect you and your new conquest? Well, if you’re over affectionate and they’re not, you will spend your time wondering if they feel anything for you and they won’t think anything of it because they are doing what they was taught and what comes natural to them…..nothing! They are not use to showing affection or communicating their feelings.

People who fail to face their problems will avoid confrontation at all cost

Have you ever had an issue with someone and they change the subject or flip the script to make it seem like you’re the one with the problem? People who refuse to face they’re problems will also refuse to talk about them. Instead they get defensive, upset and have you thinking you’re nutty as a fruit cake. When in fact, they are!

There is no such thing as “teaching someone how to love

Either someone gets you or they don’t. I don’t care how much you communicate or show affection. Some people simply will not be able to love you the way you want. You cannot teach someone how to love you. If they love you it will come naturally and they will figure it out. They will learn you inside and out and their ability to show love will come with ease. Love is an action, there no Love 101 class that anyone can take to improve their love skills.

Some people will never see the big picture

You can talk until you’re blue in the face and your eyes roll back & dilate. Some people will never see your point or where you’re coming from. You can talk; talk, talk, and nothing will ever sink in. This pretty much makes talking useless and a huge waste of time. Something in that brain of theirs isn’t connecting properly, I call this selective hearing! They don’t see where you’re coming from, don’t understand where you coming from, and don’t care.

Putting your foot in your mouth becomes an unbreakable habit

In the past, I’ve dated people and knew that before the evening is over they would say something to make me give them the evil side eye. Some people just don’t know the appropriate things to say and how to say it. The one thing I love about people like this is when you get upset with them the first comeback they can think of is “what did I say?” They’re totally oblivious to what comes out their mouth and fail miserably at saying the right things. Very bad habit!

I read a lot of magazines and speak to a lot of people daily. I listen to people go on and on about their list of what they want in a mate. This person has to be honest, caring, employed, and family oriented…etc. I rarely hear anyone say they’re looking for someone who’s a good communicator and affectionate. I find this surprising because communication is basically the glue that holds any relationship together and most women I know require some form of affection. I’m sure that there are plenty of people out here who think their communication skills are top notch; they have no problem communicating their wants, needs, or anything else. The important factor that most people forget is good communication also requires listening and comprehending what is being said. Unfortunately, some people fail MISERABLY at that.


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