This is our first obstacle that Jon and I ran into; and the results of that were….well, you can judge for yourself.
That night on the phone, our banter was reflective and light-hearty…we talked about the days before and the cool things we did in the city. I asked about his Sunday…I told him what I did and bragged a bit about taking time off from work. Jon always complained about his job, and how stressful it was as well as how much work he had to do. Always meeting deadlines and being the first one to release “news.” He’d even have to spend his weekends writing.
Sabine –“ Ya! So let’s meet on Wednesday, I’ll get out at 3pm”
Jon – “Yeh? Why so early?…”
Sabine – “Cause…I’m cool like that…..”
Jon- “OK….”
You never see the sharp turn coming, and I didn’t anticipate what Jon would ask, as I’m not even sure how the conversation led around the bend.
Jon – “…well, am I the type of guy that you would have sex with?”
Sabine – “What? What do you mean?” Looking back, I heard him mumbling but he probably thought I was screaming from the other line. “You mean your body type? Your personality?”
Jon – “Well yeh, whatever you would feel that would make us want to be intimate?”
Sabine – “Well your personality then…Yeh I like you, but are you asking me to have sex with you? Like since last week?”
Jon – “Well, you came over….and we had fun but then you just left….I mean I’ve been good, don’t I deserve something?”
So what!! I left, get the hell over it….is this what this is? You want me for my body? Is that it? Because this is what I’m hearing! I laughed it off…
Sabine – “Jon, all the other girls you dated, how soon would you become physically intimate with them?”
Jon – “Well, by the second date.”
I couldn’t control my outburst.
Sabine – “Ha ha ha, if all those other girls were that easy then you can to jump on that bandwagon and that’s fine, but not me….You don’t even know what turns me on…I need time. Is all you want is sex from me?!
Jon – “No! Its not just about sex…”
So how did Jon feel? Upset, put down, rejected, INSECURE?
Writing this snippet of conversation, it really caught me off guard. I didn’t know what to say and may have unintentionally hurt him. Maybe signaling to him that he is unattractive or not masculine enough? I was nervous and couldn’t give him a direct and better answer.
Jon—“ok, I’m gonna go now….mumbling…I’ll talk to you another night”
I was sick when I hung up. I sobbed in bed until I fell asleep. And him…maybe he kicked a chair, inhaled some and fell asleep?
Text message:
Jon I still wanna meet on Wednesday, after work.
…Silence…
Stop being a punk and answer me!
Yes, we’ll meet Wednesday.
Tuesday was silent. Wednesday was silent. With the exception of the phone conversation playing in my head over and over like a subwoofer implanted between my ears. I planned in my head what I would say.
Stay pissed. Who the hell does he think he is? How dare he get offended because I won’t open up to him!! How dare he demand so much from me!
At the station he mindlessly wandered pass me, and called out to him. We stood across from each other.
Sabine – “Hi” stand your ground woman!
Jon – “Hey, come here” as he wrapped me in a hug….
Sabine – “So what are you looking for?”
We talked from the train to his apartment. And at his apartment on the roof
Sabine – “No, I haven’t been in a relationship with someone in several years. I’ve hung out and met with guys, but it’s never been anything emotional or deep” I added, “The meetings we had were great…”
Jon – “Wait. Meetings? Is that it, why do you keep calling it that? They weren’t dates…”
Sabine- “Uh?”
Jon- “You never opened up in the past?”
Sabine- “No didn’t have too…” I shrugged my shoulders.
Jon – “Won’t you try? To open”
Sabine – “Which one? Emotionally or Physically?”
Jon – “Both”
Sabine – “I guess” This was not an enthusiastic: I guess, why not!
I didn’t realize on that ride home how…cold I may have sounded to Jon. I haven’t bothered to pursue a relationship with any of the past men I dated. Even though it made perfect sense at the time to me; I was an exchange student, constantly moving around, too busy, or simply not interested.
He on the other hand, had three past girlfriends and didn’t mention seeing anyone else outside those relationships. Maybe he really fell hard. I fell hard too, but desperately held on to my rope of stoicness.
I got an idea!
Sabine – “Why don’t we be open for now? I mean you and I can see other people…I dunno I don’t have anyone lined up now…”
Then maybe he doesn’t have to demand so much from me, he can get it somewhere else…and I can do my thing
Jon – “Honestly that’ll be awesome!…”
Sabine – “Jon, you know that means I’m going to date other guys and if I develop something with them…”
We hugged. And he kissed me on the cheek.
Jon – “As long as you don’t tell me about them.”
Next Week: Ch 6. I Have S.T.D
Maybe Jon had it too. We should have talked about it first, but these things are always hard to bring up. You know better, but looking your partner in the eye and saying, “Sweetheart….” is really difficult.
Working through the steep curve
