Stephen & I walking on the beach.
Sometimes I feel like being married is like that annoying cell phone commercial, “Can you hear me? Wait, can you hear me now?” Stephen and I have been learning a lot about the difference in talking vs. communicating. Just because we are with each other all day in the office working, and hanging out at night, yes, we’re talking to each other, but what we’re learning is that it doesn’t necessarily mean we are communicating. We’re having to learn to be open with our feelings and that includes saying things that might hurt, but yet, needs to be said, to help us grow closer as man and wife. We’re realizing that God has given us each other to be a mirror for each other of areas we each need to grow in individually. For example, for me, I’ve always had a hard time being vulnerable and addressing hard topics. As an only child, I have always tended to internalize my angst and try to resolve it myself. Or I would much rather run from conflict than address it head on. I blame it on the fact that I never had siblings to fight with growing up, ha! But with Stephen and his loving example, I am learning to trust that he is a safe place I can be open with my communication, and that in the end, it’s better to get things out in the open and work on them, than keep them bottled up festering more anger and unforgiveness.
We’re also learning to not have expectations or assumptions, but to clearly and verbally communicate. For instance, over the weekend, he had worked 3 hard hours on his Madden video game to work toward the Superbowl. He got up to clean the kitchen, so as I left the living room, I turned his game off . To me, I “assumed” he was done and was a tad annoyed because I “expected” him to turn the game and TV off when he was done. Instead, Stephen had a mini freak out session because he wasn’t done, he was just taking a break and I hadn’t saved his game.
“Oh my gosh, you just lost my game!” Stephen said freaking out.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” I said back.
“Why didn’t you just ASK me first before you turned it off?”
“I don’t know, I just assumed you were done.”
“I wasn’t, please ask me next time before you turn something off!”
And with that, I realized, it was another example of us not communicating well. He was right, I didn’t ask, I just assumed. The good news is, for Stephen, when he turned the game back on, it had autosaved, so all his hard work wasn’t lost. But I was glad to have that moment arise to remind me of another area I can communicate better in with my husband.
Relationships are hard work. Whether you are married, dating or engaged, I’m learning, it is always a growing process. But I love that God uses our earthly relationships to ultimately teach us about our relationship with Him. Sometimes I feel exactly the same with Him, sure, I’m talking to Him, but am I really communicating with Him? And am I pausing long enough to listen to what He has to say as well?
