Okay, I have been gone for quite awhile. And according to the title I am sure you can guess why. I have finally untangled myself (okay, more of a rough shove into reality!) from my narcissist. I was given the shove when I was able to access his old phone (Yes, I was THAT girl, but with very good reason!) and the profundity of my ensuing discovery was to say the least damn near soul crushing and in a way quite humorous. Laughing through the tears I guess you could say. Had there been a psychiatrist/psych ward within a 5 mile radius I am sure to have been committed screaming happily all the way. Multiple email accounts, and the emails and texts were sickening. The close up crotch pictures were not becoming either I might add, his or all of theirs (you nasty girls), and honestly a majority of them were, well, eeeeeewwwwwwww (Skank you very much!). Fuck you Craigslist Casual Encounters section. Fuck you to the bowels of hell. Excuse me while I go pressure wash my vagina...........
Short version, cheated on for the whole duration of our relationship. Cheated on with countless, clueless women who likely had no idea of the whole scope of the situation that he was involved in. Seriously, I guarantee had even half the women known about the full situation he would have ended up castrated quickly, or at least displaying quite a few damn near permanent hand prints on his face or shoe prints on his lily white hairy ass.
Out into the garage went his personal items. I was kind enough not to violently fling the items while screaming profanities that even Satan himself couldn't have come up with, or dig out my sledgehammer. My GOD, the temptation to do so was so overwhelming my insides were quivering like a bowl full of jello on the dashboard of an old pickup going 45 down a pothole ridden backwoods road. Even though I am a bitch, I am far more mature than that. But entertaining the thought of such massive destruction was delicious. I even gave him back the table he built me. Surrendered to the garage to rot in the heat with the scorpions and old garden equipment. Laughing maniacally as I realized that this all came about during a time that we were actually slowly working on patching things up.
Funny part, is he STILL is trying to say I misunderstood what I saw and how much he cares about me. *gag* Yeah, sure buddy, whatever. That's the problem with narcissists. They will damn near KILL THEMSELVES to hide anything that could make them look like a colossal jerk-off. (Heh, fitting.). But, the purpose of this blog is not to give you the lurid details of yet another failed relationship, it is to reinforce my previous posts regarding dating and mental illness. Red flags are STOP SIGNS!
But, the awesome part of this is that now I feel, well, mostly awesome! Serious as a heart attack. I do have my sad, WTF type moments, and then am able to quickly snap out of them when I remember the texts and especially the "Girlfriend Asleep...Come Play" Craigslist ad....... Or the Ashley Madison account that he said didn't exist, for years! Okay, refocus. I am angry still, yes. BUT the viewing of all of that disgusting shit shoved me into the land of "Go Fuck Yourself", and honestly, I hate the man. I am glad I no longer love him. The biggest thing this has given me is an overwhelming sense of relief. And joy. Yes, it is possible to be in a blinding rage and be happy at the same time. Myth, busted.
Why am I happy, because I am free!! No more wanting to throw up when he gets a text, no more listening to his mouth oozing lies, no more man related stress, nothing. My house is a peaceful place to be again, and my son is dancing around in exuberant jubilation because he is gone! My bathroom actually stays clean now and doesn't look like it houses a hairy Walrus. I am free to enjoy the opportunities that will open up for me with this trash being taken out. I am hopeful for my future, hopeful for my love life and have learned so much from this that I guarantee the next time will be with someone who has a backbone, a penis that stays in his pants unless I am present, and only spouts the truth like golden vomit from a cherub.
After all of the pain and difficulties that being involved with this person has brought into my life, I am coming out the other side stronger and at least 5 times more awesome than I was when I went it. I am far more discerning about my chosen company, and I will stop executing "California Stops" at those stop signs (ie. red flags). I will be a horrible driver. Watch out if you are behind me because you never know when I will rapidly place both of my feet onto that brake petal and stand on that thing like I'm trying to push it through the floorboard and embed it into that asphalt! Passengers be damned!
