We get spam! For those of you unfamiliar with WordPress, it filters out spam messages that autobots try to put on message boards.
Often, you will receive the same awkward message, attempting to look genuine, repeatedly from different WordPress accounts. After deleting our favorite spam message repeatedly, we realized we wanted to write about that particular spam message, and eagerly awaited the day it returned to our spam box. And here it is!
Although Vanilla Coke has been discontinued, we eagerly await the day that Vanilla Spam is available in grocery stores!
In case you’re reading this on a small-screened Blackberry in 2008, the spammer is telling us our article entitled “Expert Says ‘Sexy’ Sausage Ad May Discourage People From Moving To Sweden Town!” is “kinda vanilla.” The spammer suggests adding a photo, indicating the spambot was unable to see our wonderful photo of Finnish hot dog cuisine that was included in the article.
We’re fairly certain that our headline is not Vanilla, because as we’ve previously written, based on your Yahoo searches for “Sexy Sausages” we are a leading authority on Sexy Sausages on the Internet.
So, loyal readers, if you received a similar message suggesting your blog entry title was “vanilla”, when it clearly was not, remember, it could be worse. Here are:
3 Even More-Opposite-Of-Vanilla Real Blog Headlines By Our Readers From Their Own Blogs
1. “Another Cracker of a Story” from Australian blogger Kels Gone Bush. In case the blog entry headline doesn’t grab the attention of emotionless-spam-bots, the real newspaper headline that the entry was based upon will. Specifically, it’s a headline from Australia’s NT News called “Why I Stuck A Cracker Up My Clacker.” It’s a front page news story about some guy who stuck a firecracker, well… some place stupid. Just look at the photo in the blog yourself. And then the original news story, which we had to check out ourselves, because we didn’t know if Kels Gone Bush was a satirical-newspaper-cover-Photoshop-genius or a genius of informing the world of comedic funny-because-it-really-happened-gold! It turns out to be the latter, which we certify as “not vanilla!”
Our Ice Cream Flavor Label For Kels Gone Bush’ Blog Post: As firecrackers are America’s birthday cake, we label the original blog and related news story headlines as Baskin-Robbins’ “America’s Birthday Cake” flavor!
Whatever Katy Perry says, do not bring fireworks to certain parts of Australia!
2. “Feeling A Bit Fruity?” by British blogger Rosey Brown. No logical spam-bot could accuse a fruit-flavored title of being vanilla, especially if it learns that the blog entry is about carving faces in fruit! And not just pumpkins! Every kind of fruit imaginable from bananas to “evil apples”. Seriously, check out the evil apple and the statuesque lady carved into a banana. We are impressed because we generally find peeling oranges to be an inconvenient hassle worthy of just giving up and getting scurvy, never mind carving evil faces into the fruit.
Our Ice Cream Flavor Label For Rosey Brown’s Post: Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia. Because if you can carve dead-looking faces into apples, you can probably carve the Grateful Dead’s deceased star Jerry Garcia’s face into a cherry!
3. “Creepy Public Wanking” from American blogger Do Not Get Sick In The Sink Please. According to the blog, 72 year-old actor Fred Willard was reportedly arrested for committing a lewd act in a Los Angeles adult movie theater, because let’s face it people: he’s 72 years-old and does not know the internet was invented to allow such behavior to be legally conducted in the privacy of his own home.
Our Ice Cream Flavor Label For DNGSITSP’s Blog Post. Philly Cheesesteak Ice Cream. Because (i) this blogger says she is from Philadelphia, and (ii) this sounds like a flavor that might make someone sick in a sink, especially if they just saw Fred Willard in an adult movie theater!
This concludes another celebration of those bloggers who have recently liked our entries or followed us! And as icing on the ice-cream cake, this blog is a scientific test. Will our Vanilla headline in this blog ever wind up in a spam post calling our headline “Vanilla”? We’ll keep you posted!
