Alright ladies I just want to get real for a moment and admit something: I feel unpretty. For this reason I’m not posting my usual outfit pictures today (as I am trying to do now every Tuesday). No photo is turning out the way I am content with. Or rather…maybe my attitude is affecting the way I perceive these images. In any case, instead of just ignoring the blog, I thought I would try to write out my thoughts instead of internalize them (as we ladies too often do with negative feelings of ourselves). If it’s in the light, then it loses its power over me, right? And maybe some of you out there can relate.
So I feel unpretty. And it kinda sucks. I’m sure you know what I’m talking about. Those moments when no matter how you are perceived by the world, you are unable to see your own beauty. This all started a few weeks ago when I noticed my jeans felt very uncomfortable on. So I stepped on the scale (why I do this at all is beyond me given no good feelings ever result from it) and saw that I had gained close to 10 lbs since the start of summer. Ten! I suppose all those caramel frappuccinos, BBQ meat, macaroni salad, and a total neglect of the gym have their consequences. Go figure.
Have you noticed that a lot of my recent outfits have been of dresses and skirts? That’s because I do not fit into my pants at the moment! Thank goodness I know how to dress myself to hide the extra pudge. A good fashion sense does serve a purpose, after all.
And you know what the kicker is? I know this is all irrational! Objectively, I know I look fine. I’ve avoided writing this article because I have actively been trying to NOT utter a single self-deprecating word about my appearance (key word: try). Especially in front of my male friends. They just don’t understand. (Imagine how hard this feat was on a photoshoot day with a buddy of mine…uf).
We ladies tend to zero in on some obscure aspect of our physical appearance and convince ourselves that it looks bad. Think: mirror scene in Regina’s room from Mean Girls. And as a strong, confident, young woman, I should be able to brush off the negative voice, right? Especially as a young woman striving to inspire others to realize their own radiance and beauty, it should be easy to listen to my own motivational words that I speak (very truthfully!) to my girlfriends, right? Well, I’m only human and apparently that means dropping the ball sometimes.
So I’m writing this article about my weight gain, my feeling unpretty, and my current (but hopefully not long lasting) low self esteem. Perhaps doing the same disservice to myself as mentioned above. But I do not write this merely to fish for compliments, nor to just complain for the sake of complaining. It’s to bring to light the problem that every woman (and every person) has of struggling with insecurities. Sure, some of it is inevitable in this body-image obsessed world we live in, but we can stop them. Stop them before we spend our savings on useless products with empty promises. Before they get self-destructive (did you know that pro-anorexia blogs exist?? I won’t even bother linking to them). Before they get in the way of us loving ourselves. Before they stop us from loving others. In my recent fight to overcome these irrationalities, I’ve found the following advice helpful:
- Exercise. Enough to build up endorphins, which increases happiness. Enough to maintain a healthy body and lifestyle. Not so much as to become obsessed with attaining the perfect body. It won’t happen – that perfect body you are imagining has been photoshopped. Majorly.
- Stop the self-criticisms before they pass your lips. Your body hears everything your mind says. Show it some respect and stop dissing it.
- The world isn’t analyzing your every little detail! When you point flaws out to people, you are making them focus on something they never would’ve noticed in the first place. In effect, you are making yourself less attractive. It’s not healthy to be so self-focused.
- It doesn’t matter what the other girls look like. As a group, we just need to stop comparing ourselves against each other. This stops us from loving each other, and from fostering our friendships to their fullest. (This topic requires its own article – keep an eye out for it.)
- Get dressed up. Pamper yourself just a little. Then walk in the room as though you’re the hottest thing there. Don’t worry about whether everyone else agrees – what do their opinions matter in the end anyway? I speak from 25 years of experience dealing with the harsh criticisms of older asian women. I know what I’m talking about.
- Smile. (♪ though your heart is aching ♩ ♬) Your positive attitude will affect your mood. And vice-versa.
- Put on some showtunes. Alright, so maybe this won’t work for everyone, and it doesn’t actually address any body-image issues. But I find it very difficult to stay sad when “You Can’t Stop the Beat” is playing on high volume. In fact, I find it hard not to dance around the room.
Often, I’ve found that my feelings of inadequacies are rooted in something deeper – something I’d rather not deal with. I project this onto my body because frankly, it’s just an easier, more tangible fix. It’s better to notice this from the beginning and tackle the problem head on, because no matter how much weight we lose or muscle we put on, we will never really be happy if we ignore the real issues! I plan to further reflect and write about this topic in its own article as well. (Oh so many things to get off my chest!). Until then, thanks for reading this far!
Above all, remember:
What do you do to feel better when you’re down?
