CLICK READ MORE TO SEE QUOTES
It's after Labor Day--I'm wearing whales.-Schmidt
We just lay there. Like two people in The Notebook. Waiting to die.-Jess
Yesss, like we're all dating. In a large non-sexual friend group.-Jess
My nightmare!-Nick
Friends help friends have meaningless sex.-Schmidt
Where are you, Schmidt? This place is fancy. And I don't know which fork to kill myself with.-Nick
Winston, you've been starting at that girl for five minutes. I hope you've been checking her out. Otherwise you're a serial killer--which would explain a lot-Schmidt
I don't want to kiss and tell. But I did ruin my dresser. During intercourse.-Jess
Come on! Why are you saying that!?-Nick
Will you go to Ikea with me?-Jess
Sure, I'm not doing anything.-Nick
You're always sighing like you're the President of the United States and you have to decide whether we're going to war!-Jess
Wait, this isn't a sex thing, is it? Because I can't pleasure a woman and build a dresser at the same time. I'm not God.-Jess' fling (Sam)
Most importantly, you will not build her that dresser. It's furniture and it implies that one day you will share it with her-Winston
I got your text. When you're going through a "Talyor Swift-like range of emotions" I should come over, right?-Cece
