Humor Magazine

Beaching It As a Kid Vs. Beaching It WITH Kids

By Mommabethyname @MommaBeThyName

I have a pail full of summer beach memories – sitting in traffic in a hot car with steel seat belts for hours, having to eat lunch in that car due to said traffic, and having appendages break through spaces in woven plastic lounge chairs, to name a few. But most of all, I remember our red, white, and blue cooler, with no wheels, that weighed about ten thousand pounds, we lugged back and forth every time .

As I gear up for another summer with three little ones, I find myself often amused at how we ‘got by’ as kids, and how we rock the beach today.

The Beach in the ’80’s: Building sandcastles, in a bathing suit, for hours, unsupervised.

The Beach Today: Building a sandcastle, covered neck to knees in SPF 50 swim duds, overseen by two hovering caregivers.

The Beach in the ’80’s: Everyone carries two armfuls of beach gear.

The Beach Today: This thing…

Picture courtesy

Picture courtesy

The Beach in the ’80’s: Tempting salmonella with meatball and cheese sandwiches that sat in foil, in a plastic bag, for twelve full hours.

The Beach Today: Lunch via color-coded Ziploc bags, arranged according to child and food allergy.

The Beach in the ’80’s: Baby oil.

The Beach Today: Sunscreen, safely hidden by SPF 100 swimwear, covered by a Trapper Hat, wraparound sunglasses, and water shoes.

The Beach Today: Ventilated, portable, self-erecting cabana with insect screen.

The Beach in the ’80’s: A towel on your head.

The Beach Today:  Swimmie diapers.

The Beach in the ’80’s:  Shit out of luck.

The Beach in the ’80’s: Sand-crusted aluminum cans filled with your favorite carbonated beverages.

The Beach Today: BPA-Free double-walled sippy cups with silicone straw cozies.

iPod shuffle 4G

iPod shuffle 4G (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The Beach in the ’80’s: Music courtesy one family’s battery-operated “beach radio”.

The Beach Today: iPhone, iPhone, iPad, a Kindle Fire, and an iPod Shuffle.

The Beach in the ’80’s: Making random vacationing ‘beach friend’ while swimming.

The Beach Today: Seahorse-themed beach playdate, scheduled three months in advance.

The Beach in the ’80’s: Taking a header off a wave and emerging with skinned knees and a mouthful of salt water.

The Beach Today: Full-body flotation suits.

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The Beach in the ’80’s: “Beach Clothes”, i.e., anything you didn’t mind getting wet or dirty.

The Beach Today: Coordinating three-piece set with matching towel and tote bag from Pottery Barn Kids.

The Beach in the ’80’s: Sunbathing.

The Beach Today: Building a bunker.

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The Beach in the ’80’s: Aluminum beach chairs.

The Beach Today: Zero-gravity chairs with built-in massage, cup holders, USB port, and canopy.

The Beach in the ’80’s: Hanging out in the sand until dusk.

The Beach Today: Leaving as soon as possible to avoid contracting West Nile Virus.

As the kickoff of beach season fast approaches, I wish you sandless sandwiches, tremendous tan lines, and seaweed-free trunks.

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