I don't stop all day long.
And I don't sleep, all night long.
I don't even know what day of the week it is.
It's been six weeks and I won't lie, I have my good days and my not so good days. The dark clouds seem to loom overhead and baby blues are in full force. On those days nothing makes sense and I feel nothing but loneliness, fear and sadness.
I cry at a few times a week and am overwhelmed with a newborn, keeping a four year old entertained and keeping up with my other work and home/financial responsibilities. We took Little M out of preschool because we could no longer pay for it and somedays it just proves to be too much for me. But the good news is (if you can call it that) is that I am aware of condition and I am trying my hardest to stay positive and keep a healthy state of mind. I may need to get professional help, but I haven't gone down that road just yet.
This weekend was especially tough. I just didn't want to get out of bed, much less get dressed. I can't wear any of my clothes and I'm still wearing leggings. That alone doesn't help with the blues - I just feel uncomfortable in my body. I have a serious case of the dreaded mummy tummy, sitting for too long hurts my backside due to the extra 30 lbs and despite it helping me look a bit better, I have come to hate super tight shape wear because I feel like a sausage ready to explode. However, I feel myself jiggle when I walk and that makes me want to cry, scream and kick.
My husband encouraged me to get up, get dressed and go for a family walk. It was a big ask, but I gave in and off we went. I didn't want to scare my son or have him ask why I was sleeping all day.
Forcing a smile. My husband encouraged me to take a few pictures for the blog, saying "you love it, remember?"
I threw on my Hold Your Haunches leggings which flatten my tummy and tighten all around to minimize the jiggle, added a denim button down and an old Gap color block sweater I dug out. I added my coat from H&M, but I didn't feel comfortable taking it off - it had to stay on!
And of course, I wore my shades. To hide my tired and sad eyes.
The walk and fresh air did me good, but I still struggle day to day. My husband is very supportive and helps with the kids, but ultimately it's my mental health on the line. I am starting Medifast again to lose weight and making sure that I get out of the house every day even if its for a brief walk. I have to to be happy and healthy in order for my kids to do the same.
I will get there. I need to get there.
Have you had to battle the baby blues or depression? What did you do?
