I am going to group the last two "Baby B's" of Attachment Parenting as described by Dr. Sears in his book, "The Baby Book" together because I think they compliment each other well. These last two "B's" are: Balance and Boundaries and Beware of Baby Trainers. Baby Training is a heavy subject - every mother you know has an opinion on it, I can almost guarantee it. As soon as you get pregnant you will hear things like: "let him cry it out", "don't pick him up", and "don't nurse on demand". Although these techniques might work for some, they don't work for me.
This type of baby training goes against every intuition that I have as a mother. I don't believe in these things and I won't do them.
That isn't to say that I won't train my baby. We in the J family are Christians and strongly believe in a right and wrong way to act. The Bible says:
"Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it."
Proverbs 22:6
Baby J is getting to the age where he starts a little mischief here and there. This is where I think the training comes in. Things like having a good attitude, respecting others, obeying your parents, and serving God are important teaching and training opportunities. Sleeping, cuddling, and eating habits (at this point) are trivial in my opinion.
Not everyone is the same and some people need to train their babies - at night, for example. They are overstimulated and need the night to just be about them. Dr. Sears addresses this by saying:
"...you are not being a neglectful mother. You are being a wise mother to have a realistic appraisal of your nighttime needs...chose whatever sleeping arrangement works best for all members of your family". (Sears, 338)
This brings me to the last "Baby B" - Balance and Boundaries
So, this type of parenting probably seems exhausting to some people - and to be honest, sometimes it is! There is a lot of giving involved on the part of the caregivers in this whole "Attachment Parenting" thing, but there needs to be balance. Dr Sears says it is important to be:
"...appropriately responsive to your baby, which means knowing when to say yes and when to say no, and also having the wisdom to say yes to your own needs. When mom and dad are doing well, baby will also do well."
This is so important. Attachment Parenting revolves around saying "yes" to the right things during the right stages. For example: when Baby J was first born, I would pick him up and nurse/rock/carry him whenever he got fussy. I would say "yes" to his demand for some physical contact. Now that he is ten months, I don't always say "yes". If he has been fed, and has a dry diaper, I will let him fuss a bit before I pick him up. This is for my sanity as well as to teach him that it's OK if mommy doesn't come right away. He can chose another toy or book and soothe himself for a few minutes until I can get to him. I don't ignore him if he is crying harder than a fuss, though. It's all about balance.
In Summary
Attachment Parenting is an awesome way to parent! (I'm not biased or anything.) You build a bond with your child that will last forever. Sure, it takes some hard work in the beginning, but that hard work will pay off in the future when you have a sensitive child that listens well and is close to you (hopefully).
I am new at this parenting thing, so I'm not sure how this will all turn out for us. It could turn out exactly the opposite. My child could be a terror - I'm completely ready for that and will love him just the same. All I know is that I will have no regrets (Well...a small amount of them, anyway. I already have some. Doesn't every parent?). When my head hits the pillow at night, I will be able to rest well knowing that I responded appropriately to his needs and did all I could so that we could start off on the right foot. He can know that I am a trustworthy and sensitive person, and that I care about all of his needs, big or small.
I think this is the will of every good and loving parent, no matter what their parenting philosophy is. If you don't attachment parent, please take a look with an open mind and see if you can incorporate just one feature off Attachment Parenting into your daily routine. I bet it will change your life for the better!
Thank you for following along. I have really enjoyed learning more about this style of parenting as I had to really dig deep in my research. If you have any questions or comments, I would love to hear them!
