Dating Magazine

All Or Nothing: 5 Ways to Prevent Being a Back-Up Plan

By Shauntee @shaunteebattie

All or Nothing: 5 Ways to Prevent Being a Back-Up PlanA few years ago on a cold Chicago winter night, I contacted my auto club because my car refused to start. Luckily, I was at home and not stranded on a dark cold street somewhere. The auto club sent out a tow truck driver to give me a jump and take a look at my vehicle for minor problems. I stood outside looking like a polar bear while this attractive guy worked to get my car started. We exchanged idle conversation and finally he got my car started. I walked in the house and removed the several layers of clothing I had on and my cell phone ranged. It was the tow truck driver who decided to personally call me and tell me, “Although I got a girl, I found you sexy as hell, what’s up? I looked at my phone and simply replied “not a damn thing” he then asked why and I stated “uh, you got the wrong girl, I don’t do back-up”. He then attempted to call me 4 more times that week and I happily pressed the ignore button each time. He finally got the memo and stopped calling me. I’m simply not a Plan B chick!

Just so we’re clear, let me give you the definition of the back-up plan. The back-up plan is when someone is supposedly in a committed relationship but has a side piece to hang out with, have sex with, and basically a place of refuge when their partner pisses him or her off. So here are 5 basic tips to prevent being someone’s back-up plan.

Say What You Mean and Mean What You Say

I find that people judge you by your actions and not so much by your words. If you keep stating what you won’t tolerate and then turn around and tolerate it. Let me assure you, you will not be taken seriously. They will hear what you saying but won’t pay attention because you’ll be considered all talk. So stand firm on what it is you’re looking for and when you say it back it up with your actions. If you say “hey, I’m nobody’s back up” then stand on that and act as such.

Don’t Accept the Unacceptable

Most of the people I know don’t accept bullshit served on a platter. If we don’t accept BS from other people we encounter in our day to day life, why oh why would we accept it from someone we’re dating? We can sometimes be strong advocates in our professional and personal life. But when it comes to our romantic life, we sometimes lose our backbone. I’m not sure what causes this, maybe it’s fear that if we stand up to unacceptable behavior we’re end up alone or maybe we feel like we won’t find anyone else. Whatever the case, no one should accept any behavior that makes us feel like we’re not a priority.

Don’t be So Eager to Reconnect

I’m sure almost everyone reading this has met someone, had a few decent conversations, and then they vanish into thin air only to re-emerge months later after hiding under their rock. In most cases, this is because they were already involved or seriously dating someone else. I’m not saying that you should dismiss this person all together but you will definitely need to be careful that you don’t jump into something fast. Especially if he/she tells you they were busy for the last 6 months. You can go from being a possible back up plan to being a rebound which is equally worst.

Keep Your Own Options
If you’re not in a committed relationship it is perfectly OK to date other people. Some people suffer from the double standards syndrome. They can date other people but don’t want you to do the same. Please note this is a very selfish tactic and by no means should you stop dating others without a firm commitment in place. The craziest thing is that people will date you and be in a committed relationship with someone else but you will always remain the backup because you chose to date them while they were involved. They will judge you but they will NOT judge themselves. Does this make sense? Crazy isn’t it!

Remember, you set the tone

In any case, if you act like a back-up plan that’s exactly how you will be treated; nothing more, nothing less. You will get the parts of this person that they choose to show you. You will get the left over time that they have after spending time with their partner. You will not see this person when you want but only when it’s convenient for them. It is up to you to say “this shit ain’t going down, I deserve better” It’s all or nothing!

Has there ever been a time when you felt something wasn’t right and you may be a back-up plan?

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