I'm one of those readers that runs hot and then cold. I'll go a month without picking up a book because I can't find anything that grabs my attention (despite the literally 100's of samples downloaded to iBooks) and then suddenly I get sucked into a book that I simply can't put down. That was the case with Michael Hainey's book After Visiting Friends: A Son's Story.
I was familiar with Hainey, as the Deputy Editor of GQ so I was excited to read his memoir. I'm also a reader who is always seeking recommendations from friends and those who's personal libraries I envy. Two friends and Elizabeth Gilbert (who after Eat, Pray, Love I count as a friend even though we've never met) all raved about it. Good enough for me! I couldn't have agreed more. Like them, I couldn't put it down. Of course, the curiosity over the connection to my current city peaked my interest too. At the end of the day, it made me think a lot about the secrets we keep in hopes of protecting others and whether or not secrets really benefit anyone.
As a momish, I'm always cautious to say the right things. I never want to share pieces I know about the past that will hurt or cause conflict. At just 16, my stepson is growing into a man right before our eyes and it often feels like a whirl wind. How much do we tell him about events of the past? How do we prevent our personal opinions of events and situations from altering our perspectives? Is it ever possible to share "just the facts" or is it better to "stick together" as the newspapermen did who knew Hainey's father?
As stepparents, we walk a fine, fine line. What is our obligation to share? What isn't? How do we defend our significant others without harming relationships with others? What should children really know about their parents? When should they know it? What should they never know? Some could argue it's never the place of a stepparent to share information they know about the family and the dynamics that it holds on to. Others would argue the opposite. That tight rope between friend and parent appears yet again in the life of a stepparent.
For me, I do my best to answer questions honestly and in an age appropriate manner when they're asked. I know there will be times I don't say enough and others when I will likely say too much. If I can remove my own feels and my own loyalties then perhaps I can remain objective (although never completely I'm sure) and give him the perspective necessary to decide for himself how the past impacts his future.
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