I remember the first time I had morphine; July 4th 2010. I collapsed in horrendous pain, was rushed in an ambulance to hospital and it was in the ambulance I was given the first dose, via IV , it was amazing. I was given it again in the hospital and pretty much every 2 hours from then for 2 weeks.
I had gall stones and they were on the move. The pain was excruciating, the morphine was heavenly. The peace and calm that descended over my entire body within seconds was like nothing I’d ever felt.
I was soon discharged to await surgery. Now I had Tramadol and 30mg Codeine, not as good but still fuzzy and internal calm. The pain came and went,varied in intensity, I found myself taking the medications regardless.
I was soon rushed back in, more morphine, more peace and calmness. This time I was rushed to Liverpool for an emergency procedure, a stone was lodged. Now it was morphine and sedatives, could this get any better?!
After 2 long months I had my gall bladder removed, was discharged with more Tramadol and Codeine, continued to medicate for the calmness.
I stopped taking them,to show myself I could really. Returned to “normality” with the knowledge that they were in my cupboard if I needed them.
Then I had an accident, prolapsed 2 discs at the base of my spine and was bed bound. More Tramadol, more Codeine but this time a new friend; 10mg Diazepam. What a concoction! My daily routine became two hourly pain medications, six hourly Diazepam and a constant blur of fuzziness!
By this point I hadn’t yet had a diagnosis other than depression. The pain became manageable with physio,the medicationss became my best friend. They helped me cope with my feelings, helped me get through each day and sleep at night.
Now I don’t take them daily, I keep them in my handbag in case I’m struggling, but I don’t medicate every day, not even every week sometimes. And I tell myself that I don’t have a problem, because I don’t take them all the time and I can live without them… Can’t I?!
This inspirational post was written anonymously by a mum who is a member of myFacebook mums group. I have full permission to share her story. If you can relate to this post and would like to share your own anonymous post please contact me.
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