Starting work on this dress has been a wonderful learning opportunity for me. I feel lighter and relieved since I did, since it had been niggling at me for years. It seems somehow as if the dress symbolises something more than its fibres. The way I feel now is similar to how I felt a year or so ago. I'd been trying to get rid of old journals, but could never bring myself to do it. Then I read F**k It (The Ultimate Spiritual Way) by John Parkin, and I decided that maybe I was just someone who hoarded clutter and that was okay.
The very next day, I went to get something out of the room where my journals were, and next thing I knew I was shredding them. I didn't stop till there were only one or two left, and I felt instantly freer. I've never regretted it. My sewing box is similar in that it has sat around for years and it seemed too much to tackle. Actually it's not a box, I have several boxes or bags of fabric and half-made garments. Usually something went wrong in the making of those garments and so I stopped, but kept telling myself I'd try again one day. It seems that one day has arrived, and I feel so thankful for the lightness it brings. Sometimes we begin the process of letting go by releasing emotions, and then we can let go of clutter, and sometimes letting go of clutter means we release emotionally too. Whichever comes first doesn't matter, because either way we feel lighter. I am so thankful!
And now here's this week's days of thanks. There's two Sundays because last weekend I posted on Saturday. I have a good excuse for not doing that this week, as you'll find out on Saturday's entry!
The frost was welcome!
On Sunday we had frost, for which I was sort of thankful because it's winter and we're supposed to have frost in winter, so it seemed right. But I had a yoga class and I realised I'd have to scrape the frost off the car windscreen. Moments later my husband got his shoes and jacket on. I didn't even ask, and he scraped the car for me. Grateful? Of course I was.On Monday our elder daughter had the first of seven exams for the week and one tomorrow. She arrived home about lunch time, exhausted but relieved the exam had gone well. I'm so enormously thankful that she's managed to get this far: her first two years in high school (which in Scotland starts at age twelve) were marred by repeated illness. I almost forgot! Drawings In Sand got another 5 star review on Amazon.com! Definitely I am thankful for that!
On Tuesday I watched this video of Sam Bern. This young man of seventeen died last week of progeria, a disease that causes premature ageing along with other complications. Sam didn't allow this disease to stop him feeling happiness, or "waste time feeling bad for myself." This video is of a TED talk where Sam shares his philosophy for life, and was filmed just three months ago. I found it moving and inspiring. Of course, it's also sad. But I guess Sam would say not to waste time feeling bad for him.
On Wednesday, I was thinking about someone who I felt resentment towards, and thinking that I shouldn't feel like that because this person is often very kind and helpful. I know from experience that telling yourself you shouldn't feel an emotion doesn't stop it, but instead adds to internal tension. Then I remembered a Sedona Method technique where you welcome the "negative" feeling and its opposite. So I allowed myself to feel as resentful as I did, and then I allowed myself to feel appreciation as best I could. The result was an almost instant dissolving of the resentment. Now I think about it, I noticed that last weekend two of the Ten Things of Thankful bloggers, our host Lizzi and Susan, both allowed themselves to list ways they felt thwarted or resentful, and then felt thankful. I love that this happens. We can't force ourselves to feel gratitude, but by allowing ourselves to be as we are, it naturally comes. Awesome!
Thursday began with feelings of grief, probably because it was my aunt's birthday (my father's sister) and so it reminded me more strongly of the loss of my dad. Although I remembered her birthday early in the morning, I forgot to phone my aunt. But Thursday also brought insights about feelings and beliefs and a sense of growing stronger internally. That's definitely something to be thankful for, and thankful was how I felt before long. (What I came to understand will soon be a post of its own, on my Inquiring Parent blog.)
Friday was hectic, with elder daughter sitting two exams for the third day in a row, and younger daughter had an orthodontist appointment. My elder daughter had several hours between exams so after the orthodontist I dropped one girl back at school and collected the other! We then worked together on some challenging revision for her Art Appreciation exam - I found it challenging to know what was required and I used to be an art teacher. (Did I mention the exam system has just changed in Scotland so elder daughter's year are the "guinea pigs?) She arrived home after the second exam barely able to remember it, but feeling thankful that the worst of the exams were over and she had a whole weekend to study for the last one. I was thankful too. I also was thankful for a long and lovely phone call with my mother. We have lots of calls; this one was just particularly sweet. And I was thankful that when I rang my aunt she was pleased to hear from me and didn't mind that I'd forgotten to ring the day before!
On Saturday we had lunch with friends we hadn't seen in a while, and enjoyed good conversation. Elder daughter took the opportunity of us being out to take over my computer for her studying, and I didn't have the heart to grab it back, so I did some more sewing instead. The dress is coming along well, and I am really enjoying making it - I'd forgotten I liked sewing and had come to think it would feel like a chore.
Sunday. Several weeks ago I wrote about noticing how judging someone else hurts me physically. Being human, my mind still judges, much less often than it used to do, but still. I've noticed over and over how it hurts, and so I do my best to let go. Today, out driving, I again noticed some very subtle judgements - and then instead of simply letting go I thought more about what it would be like to be in that person's shoes. I thought about reasons why if I had been them, I might have done what they did. Compassion feels so much more pleasant than judging. I am so thankful for that.
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