For my 16th birthday, my pop got me a job. It was a busboy job at the old Marina hotel and casino, where the MGM currently stands. I've worked in the service industry ever since. I'm 43 now, and I can safely assume I've seen just about every stereotype, and horror story you might have read about in some waiter blog, or newspaper article. Truth be told, they're ALL true. It's like the rodent shit in candy bars you read about every so often. It's happening, but we choose to look the other way because candy bars are just too good.
There are a ton of lists like the one below, and typically are laughed off, or readers convince themselves it doesn't happen at their favorite restaurants. Hah! Whatever you gotta do to help yourself sleep at night, Pancho. Servers will deny they ever took part in, or have even witnessed such heinous shenanigan's.
If that particular server works at the Joseph Smith hotel in Salt Lake, maybe. Any other is full of it.
Here are some things I have consistently observed as a server over the years:
1. Every server hates being a server.
Those waiters and waitresses who tell you they are satisfied with their jobs becasuse "they love taking care of people" or, "the money is so good", are in total denial. Nobody ever wanted to be a server when they grow up. The service industry depends on poor vocational choices.
2. Every male server in the place is telling every other male server about your date's nice rack.When a hot girl walks into a restaurant, especially if she is dressed provocatively, you can depend on every dude in the place knowing about it within a couple minutes, and they will all find a way to be near the table to check her out.
3. Every female server in the place hates your date because of her nice rack.
As the waiters scramble to see cleavage, the waitresses are grouping together tearing the girl's fashion choices apart.
4. All servers have committed some form of embezzlement.Any security measure a restaurant can dream up will have an antidote. If there is a loophole in the system, a server will find it. Coupons, in house promotion vouchers, credit cards, and the point of sales system, are all ways for servers to scam extra cash. You can also bet your server will never pipe up about the automatic gratuity on your check, hoping you don't notice.
5. Your server is under the influence of something.Whether they are blazing blunts in the parking lot before they walk in to work, drinking your unfinished wine, or swallowing a percoset every hour, servers have to do something to put their heads in a place to placate douche bags all night. The job sucks.
6. Every server wants to smash their manager's head in.Every restaurant manager, every single one, is an asshole. It is something that comes with the job. Even the coolest server who gets promoted to manager will eventually turn to the dark side. Servers regard managers as hacks who got lucky, or punks who took the easy food and beverage route in college. They also believe they can do the job better. No matter what their background is, in the eyes of a server, a manager doesn't know squat about waiting tables. Believe me, if you're a restaurant manager, you have NO real friends among your wait staff.
7. All servers hate friends and family of management.When the manager brings their family in, or the owner's good friend is a guest at the restaurant, etc., nothing is a bigger reminder to a server that they are nothing but a glorified fetcher. The unspoken assumption that they are to take extra care of them is even a bigger insult. Especially after hearing countless speeches about how "everyone gets the same great service in this restaurant. blah, blah, blah."
8. All servers are broke.
It is nearly impossible to be a good money manager when you clock out with a big chunk of cash in your pocket every night. Particularly here in Las Vegas, where employees have to walk through the casino to get back to their cars. There is usually one server at any given restaurant who is smart with their money, and at least one who can't even afford to make change.
