NJ.com reports that a 72 year-old man from Teaneck, New Jersey was arrested after police say the elderly man heard his neighbor pass gas, and then allegedly pulled a gun on the neighbor. The elderly man was charged with aggravated assault, possession of a weapon for an unlawful purpose, unlawful possession of a firearm and making terroristic threats.
If eating a hamburger flown from Japan to America may give you excessive gas, we do not suggest eating this in certain parts of New Jersey!
For the man who had gas, this may be embarrassing to see in the media. Still, we at NTWN like to remind people experiencing bad news to feel better, because, it could be worse, especially if one of these 3 situations happened instead:
1. Someone pulls a gun on you for having gas, causing you to nervously have more gas, which is so loud it sounds like a gunshot. It sure would be lousy because someone confused your gas for gunfire, and equally lousy for police to have to take reports from witnesses who heard the event, to ascertain what really happened.
2. A teacher bringing their high school law class on a field trip to court the day this case is heard. There is nothing judges hate more than people laughing in court. Except maybe an entire class of adolescents laughing in court, and using their armpits to simulate the sound of the incident.
3. Being on a jury in court having to decide the outcome of this incident, and then having loud, uncontrollable gas repeatedly. Sure, you could try to deflect blame by glaring at the other eleven jurors, but if making excessive noise in court is grounds for contempt, it would be equally embarrassing if an eccentric judge sequesters all the jurors until a majority can agree which juror had gas in the courtroom. And if the gas was caused by lunch of a Big Box Meal at the Taco Bell, good luck not having more gas in a very tiny room of sequestered jurors, giving away your guilt!
Happy Canada Day to our Canadian readers, and remember not to assume those are fireworks you’re hearing outside tonight, it could be the man in this original news story, who has just ate some poutine that disagreed with him!
