We recently asked readers to send in their own links to bad news stories that we could use to remind everyone that whatever news they are reading, it’s Not The Worst News.
Our second submission that we have selected, comes via email from Scott from Toronto, Canada. And is just in time for anyone looking for a good holiday swim on the 4th of July! Unless they’re looking in Lake Lou Yaeger in Illinois, where toothy, piranha-like fish called Pacus are clearly roaming the wrong waters to get a 3-D movie deal. Silly fish – Hollywood’s thousands of miles west!
According to the Grind TV Blog, the Lake Superintendent, “sounding a bit like the Amity Island mayor in Jaws, assured that everything’s OK, adding that he has a small swim in the lake regularly.” Yes, a small swim ought to reassure swimmers. In the mean time, since we’ve been assured everything’s OK, here are 3 worse places to swim on the 4th of July:
1. Fountain of the Bellagio, Las Vegas, Nevada. In addition to the high probability of getting arrested when crowds of tourists a.k.a. witnesses gather to watch the Fourth Of July Fireworks program, there’s also those risks of swimming over areas about to send you into the sky, perhaps near fireworks, via spouts of gushing water.
2. The Shark Reef Aquarium At Mandalay Bay, Las Vegas, Nevada. Again, probably not a smart place for guests to swim if you ask the resort’s security or Clark County police. Anyway, you’ll be too busy to ask those people anything as you swim to avoid shark bites, and embarrassing iPhone video shots of the “idiot that somehow fell into the ceiling-level shatter-proof-glass aquarium.”
3. Your Child’s Aquarium, Your House, Parts Unknown. Having Daddy explain why he’s “swimming in a tank of shattered glass” and everyone’s favorite gold fish is “swimming” with him on the floor is probably not a great way for a family to start the Fourth of July, so don’t do it, and Happy Fourth Of July To Our American Readers!
