1. “Cheers.” If you end an email with the word “Cheers,” we can only conclude two things:
(i) You are drinking at the time of sending your office email at 10:30 a.m.; and
(ii) You think the recipients are also drinking and worthy of cheers-ing.
The good news is with all this morning drinking, we know why you annoyingly hit “reply-all” when you wrote: “Congratulations on your big achievement!”
The bad news is that twenty recipients don’t care about the fact you are congratulating somebody, especially if you are congratulating them on a year of staying sober and then ending the message with “Cheers.”
2. Your name. Spoiler alert: if you sent an email, the message says who the sender is before the email is opened. If you sent a text, the person has your name programmed in their phone, unless they completely don’t care about you! So there is no reason to tell them your name unless your message is so horrible that they hit their head against the wall and wonder by the end “Who was the idiot who sent me this stupid message, again?”
3. “Take Care!” This one is way too vague. Take care of what? Your cat while you are on vacation? We’re sure your cat will agree that’s an important detail to leave out as it uses your laundry basket as a litter box while you’re away.
Or maybe you mean “Take care crossing the street and going about other routine activities.” Which is fair, because the recipient is probably walking across the street with their eyes glued to their iPhone, reading your message. Too bad writing the unnecessary words “take care” lead to them spending more time reading your message and less time looking up at the approaching bus.
Or perhaps you mean “Take care of the situation created by the employee who is drunk at 10:30 a.m. and keeps cheers-ing everyone.” We’ll assume that.
Cheers,
NotTheWorstNews
