- There is not a silver car with a red bow on top in your driveway today. If you’re lucky, you only got a keychain – in camouflage colors, which will make it even more difficult to find your keys. If you’re really lucky the keychain came with a gift receipt, however given the keychain is camo, the gift receipt if probably for Bass Pro, so good luck finding another $5 gift you want from there.
- The old man with a beard is not enjoying a Coca-Cola as he smiles outside your living room window. Especially if the bottle he is drinking out of is wrapped in a brown paper bag. Don’t worry, he’s not homeless… it’s your neighbor, wishing he could hide in your house while his obnoxious family visits for dinner to argue about politics.
- Ted Cruz and his family will not come and read a Christmas story to your family. Unless you live in Iowa, in which case, it’s never to late to ask! If he shows up in a car with a bow on top – you get a bonus: your drunk neighbor will finally have someone else to talk to, especially with a conversation starter like “Why didn’t you remove the bow from your car while you were driving around, and why are there insects and birds trapped in the bow?”
Merry Christmas from NotTheWorstNews!
