According to a report citing the Wall Street Journal, Apple will unveil an iWatch that will have at least 10 sensors that monitor various things including health and fitness.
Here are 3 sensors we’d like to see…
1. Sensor of humor. This could be valuable on dates, as you could tell by looking at your date’s wrist whether they prefer broad jokes similar to The Big Bang Theory or the more cerebral humor of the original Arrested Development. Here’s an added tip, before the iWatch is released: if they are using the butter knife to try to slit their wrists, they probably don’t like your jokes, or are really bad at buttering bread on a date. Either way, don’t ask for a second date.
2. Sensor that advises someone is going to call you a “Fanboy” and talk your ear off about the latest Samsung products. Note to people who are considering doing this: it is not considered polite conversation to call a middle-aged woman a “fanboy” unless you are a boy and they are fans of you, in which case congratulations on scoring a date with a cougar, One Direction!
3. Censor sensor. This watch function automatically bleeps out all of the dumb things you might say to a stranger. So try to think before you speak, because when someone asks you the time, telling them it’s “Mut–f—g bleeping’ o’clock” is not very helpful information, especially when they could have got the real time from an antique watch.
Not The Worst News: Yes, That Was Two Complete Years Of Daily Humor Posts About The News. Thank you to all who commented, liked, provided news tips, or otherwise helped us entertain you!
