In the sad days that have followed the announcement that Matt Smith will be hanging up his bow-tie come December, it seems like everyone has had their short (or not-so-short) lists of who they think will or should be the next Doctor. The team at the BBC have ahead of them the nearly impossible task of choosing the twelfth version of the beloved character, and with Moffat’s recent comments that it could be anyone, the collective imagination of the fandom has been running wild. Will the new Doctor be young, or slightly older? Will they be racially unique? Could it be a woman? The possibilities are endless.
That being said, here are a few comical (and rather outlandish) stars that we can quite nearly guarantee will NOT be in the running.
11. David Tennant, Paul McGann, John Barrowman, or anyone one else from DW’s past.
Let’s be honest: some of us in the fandom have a touch of separation anxiety.
Anytime a favorite character or actor leaves the show, people start looking for any excuse to bring them back. There have been countless posts on Tumblr about “getting Tennant back” since Matt is leaving, especially since Tennant is back for the 50th Anniversary. There have also been rumors of John Barrowman becoming the Doctor, or of Paul McGann getting a “proper run” as the Doctor. I think it’s time to pack up the daydreams and let it go.
10. Johnny Depp, or any other American.
Johnny Depp seems to be in everything nowadays, and with good reason – he’s an immensely talented character actor, as well as incredibly handsome and seemingly ageless. However, the truth is, Doctor Who is a strictly British show from a strictly British institution. It’s set in tradition, and, quite frankly, it’s probably a good thing. I’m not quite sure an American actor could quite get the balance of “The Oncoming Storm” and “The Whimsical Traveler”, nor do I think they’ll ever be given the chance. David Tennant wasn’t even allowed to keep his Scottish accent during his run.
9. Rowan Atkinson
This is, perhaps, the only candidate on our list that holds some weight. Rowan Atkinson, known best for his portrayals of Mr. Bean and Johnny English, is a very versatile comedic actor, with a long list of hits under his belt. The funny thing is, of course, Rowan has already played the Doctor in a Comic Relief spoof released in 1999. The TV short, entitled Doctor Who – The Curse of the Fatal Death, was quite hilarious, and was a rare treat for Whovians in the 90′s who were having withdrawals. Most of the spoof can be found in pieces on YouTube.
All things aside, I don’t see Rowan reprising his role in a more serious fashion.
8. Hugh Laurie
7. Gordon Ramsay
Chef extraordinaire Gordon Ramsay is known for his tough-guy appearance and brutal honesty on shows like Kitchen Nightmares and Hell’s Kitchen. Both of these qualities could work well for the Doctor. However, unless we want Series 8 to be the Doctor criticizing Clara on her soufflé techniques, it’s probably best to keep Chef Ramsay in the kitchen and out of the TARDIS.
6. Robert Pattinson
Young. Handsome. English. Expert on self-deprecating humor and acting morose. Robert Pattinson, on the surface, seems to possess quite a few Doctor-ish qualities. If he tried very hard, he could probably get an audition. Unfortunately for him, the Twilight Saga wasn’t that long ago, and the fan-girls are clingier than Bella. Maybe in ten or so years, when we’re looking for the 17th Doctor, he’ll have a chance. I’m not sure the Whovians are quite ready to make room for the Twi-Moms.
5. Noel Fielding
Back in the early 2000′s, Noel Fielding made a splash as Vince Noir on BBC Three’s sketch comedy, The Mighty Boosh. Since that tremendous success, Noel has been spreading his comedic genius everywhere, starring in and creating several other sketch shows, as well as recently becoming best friends with Russell Brand. Noel possesses a very creative weirdness, and a quirky style that makes him seem rather larger-than-life. However, unless his Doctor costume could be made of spandex, feathers, and sequins, I’m not so sure he’d be interested.
4. Anyone from the Royal Family
For all its British-ness, it’s safe to say that Doctor Who will never be that British. Even though the 2012 Olympics did see Her Majesty become an honorary “Bond Girl”, I don’t believe we’ll ever see a member of the Royal House of Windsor wielding a sonic screwdriver.
And what if the next Doctor is a woman? This is entirely possible, but I believe we can count these ladies out:
3. Jenna-Louise Coleman
It seems as though the rumors and theories will never stop with Miss Clara Oswald. Despite getting a final answer to “Who is Clara?” in the series finale, the rumor winds of the internet have picked up again, this time suggesting that Clara will be the next Doctor because she’s in his time stream. Sorry to burst your bubbles folks, but this is never going to happen.
2. Emma Watson
The lovely Emma Watson has been doing quite well for herself over the last couple years; she’s finally shed her Harry Potter roots and has successfully starred in several big films. Although being very pretty and versatile, I’m not quite sure she’s Doctor material. And even if she could do so successfully, I’m not sure that becoming the face of another science fiction franchise would be something she’d really want to do.
1. Amanda Bynes
It takes a certain type of unique personality to portray someone like the Doctor. Criminally insane isn’t quite it.
