100 Things I’ve Learned from the Movies

The brilliant Alex Withrow at And So It Begins recently wrote an excellent post about great quotes from films that he loves. It inspired me to take a look at a similar old list that I wrote many months back and revise it. So, without further ado, here are 100 things I’ve learned from the movies, a list in quotes.

Your challenge is to see how many you can match up to the movies they’re from. Ready?

• I open my eyes, and I see nothing.
• Hi-hi-hi there, at last we meet!
• I am Death. I have long walked at your side.

• In heaven, everything is fine.
• I’m not going to be okay, Bud.
• I’ll tell you what the biggest regret of my life is… I let my love go.
• The media is like the weather, only it’s man-made weather.
• We’re a couple that loves each other, but don’t touch each other!

• Those two girls… at the party last night… did you, by any chance… happen to… fuck them?
• Nothing’s wrong with it, Tommy. It’s tip-top. I’m just not sure about the color.
• You’re a cunt. You’re a cunt now, and you’ve always been a cunt. And the only thing that’s going to change is that you’re going to be an even bigger cunt. Maybe even have some more cunt kids.
• You see, Mr. Scott? In the water, I’m a very skinny lady.
• I just wanted to hold the little baby.
• DO YOU WANNA GET SHOT A WHOLE BUNCHA TIMES?
• Did You Know You Can Use Old Motor Oil To Fertilise Your Lawn?
• Your challenge is to remake ‘The Perfect Human’ five times.
• I think it’s gonna rain soon. / It is raining. / I know.
• I feel like something important’s happening around me. And it scares me.

• DRAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIINNNNNAAAAGGGGGEEEE! DRAINAGE, Eli you boy!
• Go round Mums, deal with Philip, grab Liz, go to the Winchester, have a nice cold pint and wait for all this to blow over.
• Let me tell you something… time destroys everything.
• I apologize to you sir, for not informing you sooner that you’re a degenerate, sadistic old man. AND YOU CAN GO TO HELL BEFORE I APOLOGISE TO YOU NOW OR EVER AGAIN!
• If the milk turns out to be sour, I ain’t the kind of pussy to drink it.
• I fart in your general direction!
• Everyone has something they’re good at. I’ve always been stupid, but I’m good at this.

• I can’t wait to shuffle the deck with my sister.
• Gentlemen to bed, for we rise at 9.30-ish.
• It’s a reason to get up in the morning. It’s a reason to lose weight. It’s a reason to smile. It makes tomorrow alright. What have I got, Harry? Your father’s gone, you’re gone. I’ve got no one to care for. What have I got, Harry? I’m lonely. I’m old.
• What are they gonna do in Budapest?
• Alexander does NOT wish the Bishop a good night!
• You’re gonna be okay. Say the goddamn words, you’re gonna be okay. SAY THE GODDAMN FUCKING WORDS!
• What are you hiding under your hand? Let me see. It’s the photo of your little boy. The one you tore up. We must talk about it. Tell me about it, Elisabet. Then I will. lt was one night at a party, isn’t that right? It got late and quite rowdy. Towards morning someone in the group said: “Elisabet, you virtually have it all in your armoury as woman and artist. But you lack motherliness.” You laughed because you thought it sounded silly. But after a while you noticed you thought about what he’d said. You became more and more worried. You let your husband impregnate you. You wanted to be a mother. When you realized it was definite, you became frightened. Frightened of responsibility, of being tied down, of leaving the theater. frightened of your body swelling up. But you played the role. The role of a happy, young, expectant mother. Everyone said, “Isn’t she beautiful? She’s never been so beautiful.” Meanwhile you tried to abort the foetus several times. But you failed. When you saw it was irreversible… you started to hate the baby. And you wished it would be stillborn. You wished the baby would be dead. You wished for a dead baby. The delivery was difficult and long. You were in agony for days. Finally the baby was delivered with forceps. You looked with disgust and terror at your squealing baby and whispered: “Can’t you die soon? Can’t you die?” The boy screamed day and night. And you hated him. You were scared, you had a bad conscience. Finally the boy was taken care of by relatives and a nanny. You could get up from your sickbed and return to the theater. But the suffering wasn’t over. The boy was gripped by a massive and unfathomable love for his mother. You defend yourself in despair. You feel you can’t return it. So you try, and you try… But there are only cruel and clumsy meetings between you. You can’t do it. You’re cold and indifferent. He looks at you. He loves you and he’s so gentle. You want to hit him because he doesn’t leave you alone. You think he’s disgusting with his thick mouth and ugly body. His moist and pleading eyes. He’s disgusting and you’re scared.
• I’m leaving.

• Camilla… you’ve come back.
• A wed wose. How womantic.
• I loved my wife. You hear me? I loved her. I don’t love you, because I love my wife. When she died, so did I.
• I was very young when we moved here. Times changed completely for us. We had all the space we wanted and all the trouble we could cause in that space. In those days this room was a restaurant. I can’t count the times my sister Linda, who is now dead, and I played in here, and she would put things in people’s food without their noticing and we would hide. Then she would begin to laugh. She had the most infectious laugh you can imagine. In no time at all we’d both be howling with laughter, and of course we got caught. But nothing ever happened to us. It was much more dangerous when Dad had his bath. I don’t know if you remember, but Dad was always having baths. He’d take me and Linda into the study as there was something he had to do first. Then he’d lock the door and roll down the blinds. Then he’d take his shirt off and his trousers and make us do likewise. Then he’d put us across the green couch that’s been thrown out now and raped us. Abused us sexually. Had sex with his little ones. A couple of months ago when my sister died I realized that Helge was a very clean man, with all those baths. I thought I’d share it with the rest of the family. Baths summer, winter, spring, autumn, morning, evening. Helge is a very clean man. I wanted you to know that, seeing as we’re celebrating his 60^th birthday… what a guy! Imagine living a long life and watching your children grow up! And grandchildren. But you didn’t come to listen to me. We’ve come to celebrate Helge’s sixtieth, so let’s do so. Thank you for all those good years. Happy Birthday.

• What people oughta do is get outside their own house and look in.
• Someone find me a cat that can act!
• I’m giving you a shovel to kill me. Not a gun, a shovel.
• When the truth is found, to be lies. And all the hope, within you dies. Then what?
• I can’t die. I don’t know what I’ve been living for all these years.
• Because you’re on television, dummy!
• Let me just make sure of something: this is a giant cock.
• Thank you for coming, Georges. I just wanted you to be present.
• How bout it you lunatics, creeps, mental defectives?
• Eat. We have to eat.

• I scream, you scream, we all scream for ICE CREAM!
• Look at me, and tell me if you’ve known me before.
• You must admit, you brought this on yourself.
• I can get you a toe, Dude. There are ways.
• I’M COOPERATING HERE!
• Hello… Hello, Dimitri? I… I can’t hear, could you turn the music down? That’s great, you’re coming through fine. I’m coming through fine, too, am I? I agree with you, it’s great to be fine. Now then, Dimitri. One of our generals… he went a little funny in the head… you know, funny. And he went and did a silly thing.
• What a terrible film we’re in. All we ever meet is crazy people.
• I stank like rotten fish when I was fertilised.
• There’s only one instant, and it’s right now. And it’s eternity.

• We’re all in pain! Why can’t we share our pain? I’ve spent my entire life trying to make people happy, and the three people I love most in the world hate each other’s guts, and I’m in the middle! I can’t take it anymore!
• Happiness consists of being able to tell the truth without hurting anyone.
• No, you don’t see. You see a lot of things, but not that.
• I WANT A WOMAN!
• You will now listen to my voice. My voice will help you and guide you still deeper into Europa.
• Avanie et framboise, sont le mamelles du destin.
• Watch us, Jim!
• I’m killing myself because you didn’t love me, and our ties were loose and I had to tighten them.

• Mabel is not crazy, she’s unusual. She’s not crazy, so don’t say she’s crazy.
• Brothers! Who are you shooting at?
• So you want to die. But that’s senseless. Your death won’t give us back our lives. That’s no way. You must get out of here alive, you must bear witness to our suffering and the injustice done to us.
• If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
• Did I adequately answer your condescending question?
• I have a love in my life. It makes me stronger than anything you can imagine.
• You are seven years old. You are a man. Bury your first toy and your mother’s picture.

• Kiri-kiri-kiri-kiri-kiri-kiri!
• Why is the world so different from what we thought it was? Now that you’re awake and see it again… has it changed at all? Now I’ve closed my eyes. The world I see is so beautiful.
• Living alone like this, the days will get very long.
• It’s a shame that what’s pleasing to the mind and pleasing to the eye are seldom the same.
• Leave the gun. Take the cannoli.
• At the next moment, say it’s around one in the afternoon, a most dramatic turn of events occurs. At that moment, the air suddenly turns cold. Can you feel it? The sky darkens, then goes all dark. The dogs howl, rabbits hunch down, the deer run in panic, and stampede in fright. And in this awful, incomprehensible dusk, even the birds… the birds are too confused and go to roost. And then, complete silence. Everything that lives is still. Are the hills going to march off? Will heaven fall upon us? Will the earth open up beneath us? We don’t know. We don’t know.
• At the time, I thought there were more important things than being with you and your mother. I wanted to set the world right, and then share it with you. I failed, as you can see.
• Anyone out there?

• Take the best orgasm you’ve ever had. Multiply it by a thousand, and you’re still nowhere near it.
• Our marriage was nothing more than a foxhole for you. And all it took for you to get out was a ten cent razor and a tub full of water. You cheap, goddamn, fucking, godforsaken whore, I hope you rot in hell. You’re worse than the dirtiest street pig anybody could ever find anywhere, and do you know why? Because you lied. You lied to me and I trusted you.
• We’re taking pictures like we’re a couple. Like we like each other. Like we’re husband and wife, and we span time together. We span time together as a couple, cos we’re a loving couple, spanning time. These photos are us, in love, spanning time.
• My ass may be dumb, but I ain’t no dumbass!
• If I have been feeling worried or sad during the day, I have a habit of recalling scenes from childhood to calm me. And so it was this evening.
• Funny, you always say and do the very right thing… and it’s always wrong.
• I can handle big news and little news. And if there’s no news, I’ll go out and bite a dog.
• Today I threatened to shoot a naked woman with my erection. Now that doesn’t happen every day, does it?
• There is a homosexual pancreas in the closet.
• I never saw any of the villagers ever again.

• What kind of world is this if a madman tells you that you should be ashamed of yourself?
• Have you heard about the guy who fell off a skyscraper? On his way down past each floor, he kept saying to reassure himself: ‘So far, so good, so far, so good…’ How you fall doesn’t matter. It’s how you land.
• I am… in a world… of shit.
• Why do you only take pictures of the rooms we stay in and never what we see outside while we travel? / Those other things are in my memory. The hotel rooms are the things I’ll forget.
• My mom’s been fucking a dead guy for years. I call him Dad.
• Life’s hard. It’s supposed to be. If we didn’t suffer, we’d never learn anything.
• In the dream I knew my father was going on ahead and he was fixing to make a fire in all that dark and cold, and I knew that whenever I got there he would be there. And then I woke up.
• Listen, you fuckers, you screwheads. Here is a man who would not take it anymore. A man who stood up against the scum, the cunts, the dogs, the filth, the shit. Here is a man who stood up.
• We have a whole life to live together you fucker, but it can’t start until you call.
• Old age. It’s the only disease, Mr. Thompson, that you don’t look forward to being cured of.
• But Mr. Hagelmeyer, it’s still not over.

So how many films can you identify from these quotes? Leave a comment below with your answers, or simply just what you think of the list.