Bully, the documentary movie that has been in a ratings war with the MPAA, was not granted the PG-13 rating that would allow for a broader audience, namely school-aged children and teenagers. It instead has been labeled as “rated R.”
Harvey Weinstein said that “As a father of four, I worry every day about bullying; it’s a serious and ever-present concern for me and my family. I want every child, parent, and educator in America to see ‘Bully,’ so it is imperative for us to gain a PG-13 rating. It’s better that children see bad language than bad behavior, so my wish is that the MPAA considers the importance of this matter as we make this appeal.”
Well, the MPAA didn’t grant the PG-13 rating, and it will cause many parents to forbid their children to see this movie, which is crucial to understanding the seriousness of the effects felt by victims of bullying, including suicidality.
My own child was a victim of severe bullying in public school. It reached a point to where he had hands (feet, basketballs, you name it) placed on him everyday. Eventually, the problem escalated so out of control that the bully was enlisting all of his friends and anyone who thought he was popular to pick on my child, and his self-esteem fell, his grades fell, and he began to hate school, which he had always loved before. The bully had always been a friend to my other son in elementary, and I chocked up his change in behavior to starting football in school and needing to create a hard exterior, and my son, who had not yet sprouted in size and was known to be Mr. Amiable and laid back, was the perfect target, as he was less apt to fight back.
Those two years were hell for our family. The bully’s parents were not the least bit concerned. In the mother’s words, “Well, what’s wrong with your son that all of these kids pick on him?” This is the attitude of most parents of bullies. In reality, the bully chooses a child that he is certain will not fight back, is a good student that does not want to make waves by complaining, and is, of course, smaller than he is. Often, the bully will also choose a child that seems comfortable with who he is because the bully often is not comfortable in his own skin.
In our case, the school did their best to protect my son. The counselor — God bless her — was beyond frustrated, as her hands were tied; still, she let the bully have it and made him apologize, but with his mother behind him and his father passive, the counselor was powerless. The stupidity of the state policy (Texas in our case) on bullying allowed only conferencing with the bully and his parents and — get this — “accomodating” my child by offering to change MY child’s, the victim’s, class schedule. The bully could continue in sports, and he could continue in his classes uninterrupted.
In the meantime, as we fretted about how to handle this hopeless situation, my child lost faith in authority, lost faith in education, lost faith in most all his friends, and even in his own parents’ ability to protect him. He began to deteriorate under the scrutiny, under other people questioning his culpability, and the constant emotional stress.
We refused on principle to accommodate the bully by dodging him in school, as my son did nothing but be a late bloomer to warrant any of this maltreatment. With no other recourse, I immediately had him transferred to a different school in the district. While stories and questions followed him to his new school, they were just infrequent enough that he got his second wind and a fresh start.
Today, he is an amazing guy who is positive again, still a great student, earns great grades, is active in school government, and serves his school and community through all kinds of volunteer activities. He is now expected to be accepted into a high school program where he can mentor a younger child in need of guidance from and quality time with an older student as a role model. I can’t think of a better person for the job.
While some kids are more resilient and rebound from a harsh bullying situation, many do not. Bullying sets into motion a disdain for education and a general distrust for authority as well as peers. It is no wonder that many who are bullied go on to bully, as well, if they get inadequate support. The victim comes to see adults as either blind to bullying (which is a form of support), accepting of even extreme bullying as a fact of life, or scared themselves of challenging bullies and their parents (ask a few teachers of older students).
Now, imagine that support for bullying victims being not only in the form of parents, administrators, and teachers, but also the majority of students who are willing to say something, do something, and shun the bullies. Imagine a school environment where there is an undercurrent attitude that unifies and chants, “No more.”
For a film like this — that could touch so many, that could unite students all over America to put the brakes on the insanity of bullying by remaining silent — to be cast off by parents as too violent, too explicit, too nasty in language — hear me — too REAL — for their children to see is a travesty. Kids all know this goes on, so it would be nothing new, but the side of the story they don’t often see is the profound effects on the families of these victims and what it does to the kids even after they escape from school each day, even while they are at home, even when they are alone and away from the bully. They feel an impending sense of dread, even fear, humiliation, acute depression, and extreme isolation as one who has been pointed out from the vast crowd and made an object of ridicule for little reason other than simply existing.
That’s right, America — turn up the KidzBop and keep the kids oblivious, keep them so sheltered as to limit their ability for compassion, and shield them in that nice, warm bubble that allows bullying to thrive in American public schools. Prepare them for lives of passivity and inaction like so many lead who have effected poor public school policy…
…That, OR play a part in improving our society and get your kids to support a worthy cause, one that hits quite close to home — bullying. Kids need to see this while they are young, not as late as 13 or 17, but while their opinions are still forming on this subject. Get them to see this (rated-R) documentary “Bully,” and allow them to feel now what a victim feels. It comes out on March 30. We adults need to see it, as well, and many of us remember exactly what victims of bullying endure on a daily basis. It is only when we unite and refuse to stand confounded and passively watch another human being be abused any longer that most bullies will think twice and move on.
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