In the past, in my less frugal days, I remember the pang of conscience I felt driving out of a fast food lane with a big bag for my four kids, and thinking, “Why did I do this…again?!” Usually, the answer from my right-shoulder angel came easily — “It’s not because you didn’t have time. It’s not even because it is more convenient. It’s because you didn’t do your kid-teen grocery staple shopping this week.” I think the kids just wanted the color of the bags and the comfort of hearing the wrappers promise good, hot, juicy love on a bun while Mom had errands to run.
Think about this — if you had back a fair 50 percent of every trip you and your children made to a fast-food establishment since your first child was born, how rich would you be? I will be honest and admit that — oh, gosh, I hate to blog this — I could probably buy a new car. Be honest — go into your child’s toybox and pull out every Happy Meal toy from it, and just figure that it probably represents only about one of every three fast food visits (because your oldest threw hers away years ago) — and then do the math and multiply by at least $4 — and you might find you could do the same.
But I digress –
Now, regular adult staples are different from kid-teen staples. Adult kitchen staples are always the same: milk, eggs, bread, butter, cheese, fruit, cereal, cold cuts/ lunch meat, condiments, potatoes, rice, sugar, flour, greens, tomatoes, tea, and coffee. That’s pretty much all, right?
Well, kids’ and teens’ staples, especially for growing boys, are easy (after the healthy stuff is taken care of): burgers and hotdogs. That’s it. Add in potato chips and you’re good to go.
Remember that the goal of keeping these two products (and their fixings) around is simply to prevent a quick run to the local fast food joint. Do that, and even Fridays will mean coming straight home!
The average pubescent male is usually happy with a sandwich and some chips after school, maybe only an apple before dinner; but even if he is, there is something oddly comforting to him to just open the freezer and see that his Big Mac/James Coney Island craving is chillin’ in the D.F., just waiting to quickly satiate his growling belly should it begin to rage.
Sometimes, you might not have the time to cook and grill from scratch, so don’t feel guilty if you have to skip a few steps. The point is that you are not pulling out of your drive and heading out the 2 miles to McDonald’s or Jack-in-the-Box and handing over a hard-earned $20 for three burgers and fries. I mean, isn’t that the way our middle-class budgets inexplicably disappear — in increments of $20 bills?
I shop in bulk at Sam’s Wholesale Club, so I pick up two things there, which I have learned save me a bundle:
One is hamburger patties…
The other is foot-long hotdogs — er, quarter-pound frankfurters!
I do the foot-longs because boys will go through three hotdogs without even a thought, whereas a quarter-pound dog on the bun will generally bark back. Plus, they can make all the jokes they want because, hey, they’re in the kitchen and having fun.
What’s more is that, if a kid is (at first) forced into the habit of foregoing his favorite fast food joint in favor of just 15 more minutes until he can have a much larger, better kitchen serving with all of his favorite toppings and sides, then he is liable to get in the habit knowing, “Nah, I’ll just go home. We’ve got something.”
Having the kid-teen staples isn’t always cheap on a grocery budget, but it is in comparison to a lifestyle that includes fast food. It will save big — and you’ll hold onto those $20 bills for better things. It all adds up over a year, and it guarantees the kids will be satisfied and happy. In comparison to fast-food and takeout, it means MUCH less money wasted on someone else doing your shopping, cooking, cleaning, and wrapping for you when all it takes is a quick turn down the frozen food aisle and maybe 15 minutes in the kitchen.
My boys get excited to make their own on the griddle and to assemble and top their own “masterpieces” over the cutting board (because everyone knows kids compete), each bragging like a television chef that his is the best once they’re on display…for the 10 seconds before they are packed away in four bites from their unhinged jaws. (I’m not exaggerating there — we joke around the house about the phenomenon that the teenage male are indeed able to unhinge his jaw like a boa constrictor. How else can you explain a child who can wrap his mouth around a quadruple-decker hamburger?)
I will tell you that it took a while to get the fast-food cravings out of our lives, and a few winces when passing the pretty sandwich pictures in the windows, but my kids now just opt to go home and whip out their own personalized burgers ‘n’ dogs (cheese, pickles, mustard, ketchup, mayo, sauerkraut optional, of course). We clearly see now where fast food was, strangely, a strong addiction. And the few times we go now, we come away sadly short on money, thinking how much food we could have taken home in a grocery bag, and also low on satisfaction, as the kids are all critics now — “Too soggy, or cold, or too bland…or somethin’. I don’t know — just doesn’t taste good to me anymore.”
The boys even enjoy the kitchen a bit now like it’s their own, venturing into classic Reubens, gourmet grilled cheese, and becoming well-known — well, around the house, anyway — for their unique creations even in lieu of usual teen fare. I may even have a future chef Emeril Lagasse or Curtis Stone on my hands.
And if it makes the kids, who are in the beginning stages of detox and who come into the throes of withdrawal, feel up with the Joneses (the neighbors they just saw pull up and lug a big orange and white Whataburger bag and drinks from out of their Lexus) , or if they just crave that fresh-from-fast-food-heaven (?) noisy wrapper high of unwrapping a hot treat, then you can always wrap up one of your own puppies in parchment/wax paper, seal it with a sticker that says, “No place serves it up like Home,” and stick it under your oven’s warming lights to greet them.
And, now, for a little nugget of truth — NO, NOT A CHICKEN NUGGET:
You may be asking, “Why is wrapping the finished product so important for the first few months of your family’s fast food detoxification program?” (OK, not exactly in those words, but…)
The answer: Don’t doubt for a second that there is a Pavlovian thing going on with those noisy, colorful burger wrappers and a hungry kid’s salivating mouth in the car as he unwraps his food like a present. I’ll bet McDonald’s has a whole freaking department on Pavlovian psychology and fast-food packaging.
The idea here is to break bad food habits and eat as much at home as possible because — let’s face it — good food and quality time together make a house a home. For accountability’s sake, let us know how your family’s fast food detoxification program and grocery budget do this year! It’s not always easy with hungry kids and gorging, growing teens, but it is possible.
M
