Well, I managed to somehow avoid being exposed to premature Christmas decorations and music this year. Oh, there were a few trees and decorations here and there, but nothing like the full-scale onslaught I’ve had to endure the past few years. I’m not sure whether it’s because merchants actually restrained themselves for some reason or because I just spent less time in public than usual between Halloween and Thanksgiving this year…OK, that’s a lie; of course I know which one it is, and so do you. Because crass commercialism without regard to sense or sensibility is a one-way ratchet, like government power; it’s not going to stop this side of the death of American culture. The only way to avoid it is not to participate, because retail merchants at least don’t have armies of thugs claiming the “right” to smash down our doors, scream at us, beat us and murder our dogs in order to terrorize us into taking part in the staged merriment.
The first step in non-participation is avoiding those awful “Black Friday” events which have almost entirely succeeded in turning Thanksgiving from a day to give thanks for what we have, into the mere eve of a day to trample children and old people in a maniacal rush to save a few bucks on more things we don’t need. How about indulging in the real spirit of the season, and giving to others instead of literally fighting to get more for yourself? Children and whores are St. Nick’s two favorite groups of people; you can help the latter by donating to a sex worker charity such as SWOP Behind Bars, or you can help BOTH by booking a session with a sex worker you know has kids. If you don’t know any, it just so happens that I’m running my annual Toys for Tots special which for a small expenditure will allow you extra time with me while bringing a little bit of joy to needy children. From now until December 11th, book a session with me and bring up to six new, unwrapped toys with you, and I’ll add ten minutes per toy to your time! If you prefer, bring an extra $100 and I’ll extend your time by half an hour (then use the hundred to buy toys). Please let me know when booking you want to take advantage of the special, so I can allow for the time in my schedule. If you don’t want a full date but would like to meet me, for $100 and three toys (or $150 cash) I will have an hour-long coffee meeting with you anywhere in the Seattle area. And if you don’t live near me, please consider donating via PayPal or Google wallet anyway; use my regular email address ([email protected]) and make sure you note what part of your donation is for toys and what part for me (it’s perfectly OK to tell me to spend it all on toys; I don’t mind). And if you want to take advantage of the special but don’t have time to actually see me by the 11th, that’s OK too; you can prepay and schedule the appointment for later. I want to make this as easy as possible for you, so together we can bring joy to needy children who might otherwise have nothing on Christmas morning.
