Your Real Horoscope: March 17-23

TAURUS (April 21 - May 21):You’re inspired, but are you creative? Because it’s one thing to have, like, all kinds of awesome ideas. It’s another thing completely to get off your fat ass and make your ideas into something.

GEMINI (May 22 - June 21):Yeah, that job you want that you’re not totes qualified for?  Smile pretty and ask nicely for it, then fake it ’til you make it.
CANCER (June 22 - July 23):Everything happens for a reason, blah, blah, blah. Hang tight. The reason will reveal itself magically, like a ghost fart.
LEO (July 24 - Aug. 23):All people fuck up. You are all people. All people get through it. (You are all people.)
VIRGO (Aug. 24 - Sept. 23):Arguing can be fun, especially if you win. Don’t be afraid to get into it with someone today.

LIBRA (Sept. 24 - Oct. 23):You’re going to do a total 180° changearoo today. Some people are going to be pissed about that. Whatever. 
SCORPIO (Oct. 24 - Nov. 22):You are a stodgy old who is set in your ways. Just like everyone else. You and everyone are going to disagree. But disagreements can be beautiful! (If you're on drugs.)
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23 - Dec. 21):Mercury, planet of awesome talk, moves into the house and home area of your chart this week. BUT WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? It means you’re going to have to talk with people you live with, also your family and then people who you like, too. Talking! Try it this week.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan. 20):Go out and about this week. Meet people. People could help you. And Lord knows you need help.
AQUARIUS (Jan. 21 - Feb. 19):Be careful with your coin this week. Don’t let folks persuade you to spend on shit you’re not totes in love with.
PISCES (Feb. 20 - Mar. 20):Let people know what you think. No, no, like, what you really think.