Stop working. Start boning. Seriously, you need to bone. Go get some (in a constructive, respectful manner).
TAURUS (April 21 - May 21):
That person you’re dying to meet? It’ll happen. And then you’ll probably bone.
GEMINI (May 22 - June 21):
Set the bar a little lower, you big dumb go-getter. Else you’re going to feel shitty about yourself when you fail.
CANCER (June 22 - July 23):
Re-read The Secret. Put a fake smile on your face. Fake it til you make it.
LEO (July 24 - Aug. 23):
You’re going to find out that person who’s your opposite is really not that different from you after all. And maybe, just maybe, you’ll finally learn how to love. Also: why you so stubborn? Work on that.
VIRGO (Aug. 24 - Sept. 23):
People are being weirdly nice to you. Take advantage of them.
LIBRA (Sept. 24 - Oct. 23):
You know it’s time to dump him.
SCORPIO (Oct. 24 - Nov. 22):
Don’t feel guilty for being more awesome that everyone else. You haven’t done anything wrong.
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 23 - Dec. 21):
Try to see the good in everyone, even shitty people. Shitty people are going to help you with this by showing you how good they are.
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan. 20):
Only do things you like doing. Don’t do things you don’t like doing. If someone wants you to do something you don’t want to, say, “No.”
AQUARIUS (Jan. 21 - Feb. 19):
Look at you, you charming jerkface! You’re going to get what you ask for, so ask big.
PISCES (Feb. 20 - Mar. 20):
You’re fucked re: friends and money right now. Hang tight and things will improve.
