If your ex has just told you that your ex wants to be friends, lots of questions might be going through your mind right now.
Questions like...
"Now that my ex wants to be friends with you, what should I do?" "Should I agree to be friends with my ex?" "Am I in the friend zone now?" "What does being friends even mean?" "Does it mean that I've no chance to be with my ex again?" "What should I say to my ex?"
If you have been wondering about any of the questions above...
Then you're in the right place because, in this post, I'll be touching on...
Why your ex wants to be friends...
What does it mean when your ex wants to be friends...
Whether should you be friends with your ex...
And how to get your ex back now that your ex wants to be friends.
Let's dive right in!
What Does It Really Mean If Your Ex Wants to Be Friends
If your ex has just told you to be friends, a barrage of emotions is probably going through you...
You might be feeling confused as to why your ex wants to be friends...
You might also be feeling anxiety thinking that this is really the end of your relationship with your ex...
And you might most likely be feeling down because your attempts at trying to convince your ex to be with you have not worked.
So what does it really mean when your ex says he/she wants to be friends?
At this point, when your ex tells you to be friends...
It means that your ex wants to take a break from the relationship as lovers.
In your ex's mind, he/she probably does think that it's over between you two...
But that's only because of what happened in the relationship.
Most likely, the breakup is because of some of the things you did or didn't do in the relationship...
That had let your ex linked negative feelings towards you.
So by asking to be friends...
Your ex just wants to get away from all the negative feelings he/she is feeling.
And this can actually be a good thing because when two people are constantly feeling negative in the relationship...
A break from each other can help your ex's negative feelings fade over time.
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Should You Be Friends If Your Ex Wants to Be Friends?
When it comes to your ex wanting to be friends with you, many people mistake this as this is the end of your relationship.
And many people also make the mistake of giving an ultimatum to their ex.
For example, they will say to their ex:
"Either we get back together, or we become strangers and have nothing to do with each other again".
However, do many people mean that?
Not really.
They are hoping that by giving this ultimatum, their ex will not want to choose the option of becoming strangers.
But that is a big mistake.
That's because if your ex still wanted anything to do with you...
Your ex would not have broken up with you in the first place.
You see, being friends with your ex is actually a good thing.
It means that your ex doesn't want to totally cut off all connections with you.
By being friends, you both are still able to be in touch.
And this is key if you ultimately want to get back with your ex.
Reason #1: Being Friends Is the Stepping Stone to Become Lovers Again
What many people do not realize is that being friends is actually the fastest way to be back with their ex again.
If you think about it logically, there only two possible scenarios when your ex tells you to be friends:
- You agree and be friends with your ex.
- You disagree and give an ultimatum - either try again or don't be friends at all.
In scenario 2, the chances of your ex saying to try again is pretty much zero.
That's because your ex wouldn't have broken up with you if a part of him/her still wants to be in the relationship.
While your ex can still have feelings for you even after the breakup...
That doesn't necessarily mean your ex wants to be in a relationship with you.
There are issues in the relationship and your ex feels there's no way to resolve them and hence that led to the breakup.
So by going with scenario 2 and hoping your ex wants you back is pretty much a futile effort.
Out of 100 people that give this ultimatum, probably only 1 will succeed.
So what is the better choice?
The better choice is to agree with being friends.
That's because being friends is the STEPPING STONE to becoming lovers again.
All Lovers Begin As Friends
Many people fear being "friend-zoned".
But don't forget how you both started out...
Did you and your ex immediately become lovers the very first day you both met?
Most likely not right?
You probably were friends with your ex first before the relationship progressed into you two becoming lovers.
That's the same with every relationship.
It's through being friends that you both started to grow to like each other more...
And that feeling blossomed into a relationship
So if you want to eventually get back with your ex again...
You need to begin as friends again.
Once as friends, you would be able to build up positive feelings in your ex again.
If you aren't with friends with your ex...
Then it's hard to communicate with your ex.
And if it's hard to communicate with your ex...
It's going to be difficult to get your ex to feel good towards you again because the last impression your ex will have of you is of the breakup.
And as you already probably know, that didn't turn out so well.
So it's important to be friends so that you can have communication with your ex again.
And that leads us to the next important reason to be friends...
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Reason #2: You Need Communication to Get Your Ex Back
If you want to get your ex back, you need to be able to have communication with your ex.
And if you be friends with your ex, you will always have that line of communication open.
This is always better than being blocked or if your ex ignores you.
If you are blocked or if your ex is ignoring you...
Then there's no way for you to have any communication with your ex.
And if you can't communicate with your ex...
How will you be able to get your ex back in the end?
You can't simply rely on hope just to get your ex back.
That means you can't hope that one day your ex will have a change of feelings after not communicating with you for a long time...
And then reach out to you out of the blue to ask you back.
That rarely happens.
Ultimately, if you want your ex back, you need to have some form of communication with your ex.
And the goal of communication isn't meant to convince your ex to get back with you...
Or to tell your ex that you've changed and to give the relationship another go...
Or even to talk about anything that has to do with the relationship.
Instead, communication is important to get your ex to feel god about himself/herself because of you.
If you think about it...
One of the biggest reasons that led to our breakup is because of bad communication or a lack of communication.
Both of which had let your ex feel negative towards you.
So when your ex wants to be friends...
This is an opportunity to let your ex feel good again towards you through positive communication.
That means, your words should let your ex feel good about himself/herself.
When you do this, it will let your ex link pleasure towards you...
And gradually over time, that can let your ex want to be back with you again.
Reason #3: Build Your Ex's Trust In You As Friends First
Another big reason why your ex broke up with you is most likely because your ex lost trust in you.
You might have told your ex that you will change in the relationship only to go back to how you were...
Or you may have said or done things in the relationship to lose your ex's trust towards you...
Or your ex may have already given you many chances in the relationship but nothing changed in the end.
So by being friends first, this is the best way to build your ex's trust in you again.
Think about this strategically...
If you don't be friends with your ex, most likely your ex will cease contact with you.
And if there's no contact between you two...
What do you think will be the last perception your ex has of you?
Most likely the perception of you that resulted in the breakup right?
And with that perception, do you think your ex is more likely to want you back?
Or is your ex more likely to stay further away from you?
The answer is the latter.
That's because you did not give yourself a chance to build back the trust in your ex.
And given your options now...
Your best way is to accept to be friends and work on building up your ex's trust towards you.
Is It Too Late To Get Your Ex Back?
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Reason #4: It Makes It Harder For Your Ex to Fully Let Go of the Relationship
Here are two scenarios that you can have now that your ex wants to be friends with you:
Scenario 1: You have absolutely no contact with your ex.
Scenario 2: You are in constant communication with your ex and you're letting your ex feel positive with each contact.
Of the two scenarios, which do you think is going to make it hard for your ex to let go of the relationship with you?
Most likely scenario 2 right?
And scenario 2 can only happen if you are friends with your ex.
If you choose not to be friends with your ex...
Then you are doing yourself a disfavor by allowing your ex the opportunity to fully let go of the relationship.
But if you choose to be friends with your ex...
Then you can have constant communication with your ex.
And with each conversation you have with your ex, you are letting him/her feel really good...
Then it's going to be hard for your ex to let go of you and the relationship.
That's because what your ex really wants in the relationship with you is to feel good about himself/herself...
And more importantly, to feel happy.
And as long as you consistently let your ex feel so positive...
That will let your ex remember the good times you both had at the start.
And this brings us to the final reason to be friends with your ex...
Reason #5: Let Your Ex Remember How It Was Like At The Start
Ultimately, the reason your ex broke up with you is that...
The version of you that you showed your ex at the start of the relationship was significantly different from the version of you that you showed your ex towards the end of the relationship.
Answer this question:
Compare the You that your ex fell in love with, and the You that your ex broke up with...
What's the difference?
Chances are that there's a big difference right?
At the start of the relationship, you probably were more:
- Loving to your ex...
- Sweet to your ex...
- Patient with your ex...
- Understanding of your ex...
- Attentive to your ex...
- Willing to do what your ex wants of you...
- Positive and happy...
- Accommodating to your ex...
- Keen to let your ex laugh...
- Interested in your ex's interests...
In short, you showed a side of you that let your ex feel positive towards you.
But towards the end of the relationship, you probably started to:
- Take your ex for granted...
- Stop doing the things that made your ex fall in love with you in the first place...
- Not appreciate your ex...
- Do and say things that let your ex feel unhappy...
- Get into more arguments, quarrels, and fights with your ex...
- Become needy, desperate, and clingy...
- Be demanding and controlling...
- Show less care and concern for your ex...
- Be more negative towards your ex...
- Have more expectations of your ex instead of being appreciative of him/her...
- Lose interest in making the relationship fun and exciting...
- Get into a routine and lose the drive in the relationship...
- Become more complacent towards your ex...
In short, you stopped putting in the same effort into the relationship compared to when you got together with your ex.
So in your ex's eyes...
Your ex sees this change in you as a sign that you no longer are interested in the relationship as compared to before.
And as you can see...
The You that your ex fell in love with is quite different from the You that your ex broke up with.
It's like buying a packet of raisins, only to reach home open it, and find peanuts inside.
What was advertised on the package is not the same as what's on the inside.
And your ex most likely may be feeling the same way towards you as well.
So the big question that is probably on your mind is...
"How do I get my ex back as friends?"
Is It Too Late To Get Your Ex Back?
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How to Get Your Ex Back As Friends
The very first step is to agree to be friends with your ex.
If you have already given an ultimatum to your ex...
Or you have already rejected your ex's friend request...
Then you want to first let your ex know that you are okay to be friends again.
It's definitely fine to reach out to your ex to acknowledge their request to be friends...
And your ex would actually also be relieved to hear you're okay to be friends.
Once you've established the friendship...
The next important step is to let your ex link pleasure towards you through your conversations with your ex.
Here is a guideline on what you should and shouldn't do when in contact with your ex:
- Let your ex feel good about himself/herself when talking to you (i.e. encourage, motivate, compliment, say positive things).
- Compliment and validate your ex whenever you have the chance in the conversation.
- Do NOT argue or get into a quarrel.
- Let your ex view you as very positive. People love happy people.
- Keep the conversation light and fun always
- Be very polite and friendly
- Absolutely NO serious talks about the relationship whatsoever.
These will get your ex to link pleasure to you.
Here's an analogy for you to remember:
Imagine that your ex is holding an empty cup.
Each time you link pleasure to your ex, that cup will be filled little by little.
And each time you make your ex link pain to you, that cup will be emptied.
Your goal is to make that cup overflow.
Once that cup overflows, that's when your ex will start to exhibit signs that show your ex is interested in you again.
For example, your ex will start initiating more messages to you.
Your ex will also be more engaged in the conversation with you.
And if you've done everything right consistently over time...
Your ex can even start to call you by the name he/she gave you in the relationship.
Remember, you already have the qualities that your ex wants in a partner.
That's why your ex got together with you in the first place.
And the reason your ex broke up with you was that you stopped showing those qualities.
So, being friends, you can have this opportunity to show those qualities again...
And in time, your ex will remember why he/she fell in love with you in the first place...
And consider being with you again.
Now, can you do me a favor?
Let me know in the comments below whether you have accepted to be friends with your ex or not.
Your Next Step
IMPORTANT: Before you try and get your ex back...
You need to first find out whether there's still any hope in trying to get your ex back.
The last thing you want to do is to chase a relationship that will never come to fruition again.
Click the image below to take a short 2-minute quiz to find out whether it's too late to get your ex back (it's free!):
