So……..Epigrams.
I’ve always been a worrier. My dad was a worrier, my mom is a worrier, one brother is but the other not so much. All my children are worriers, to various degrees. I worry about them worrying, and they worry about me worrying. Our lives are one big wheel of worry. The thing is, our worries are all different, generally individual and pertinent only to the worrier. One person’s worry can be someone else’s ‘no probs.’ How I would like to be one of those people, like my other half, who sails through life without a care in the world. To him, my worries are often ridiculous, "but, what if...." kind of worries. Even I know I'm ahead of myself but I can't seem to help it. I do wonder if it comes with having a vivid imagination. Whenever anybody is late home, or I hear of an accident within ten miles of where they are, before I know it I've already planned their funeral music and bought myself a black coat.
I remember, many years ago when I was about twelve, confiding in my dad that I was worried about something. Now, dad was usually pretty good at listening and trying to solve anybody’s problems. He would always offer support, either in the form of a letter (I still have several of these, in a drawer next to my bed, from various problematic times of my life. It seems there were quite a few, but his advice was always practical, thoughtful and relevant) or financial (there were a few of those back ups too). On a couple of rare occasions (under my mum’s influence, I’m sure) the two of them actually turned up on my doorstep: once when I was seventeen and working the summer season in Devon I had sobbed down the phone that I was homesick. By the time they arrived in Seaton the following day I was absolutely fine, and if I remember rightly, was found lying on the beach in a bikini, eyeing up boys, giggling with my friend and eating ice cream; the second time it really was a problem - I was going through a very bad period of depression - and I welcomed them with open arms.
Anyway, back to my twelve year old self. I don’t remember what the worry was but I do remember my dad dismissing it fairly rapidly, ‘That’s nothing,’ he told me, ‘that’s not a big worry.’ I remember feeling a bit hurt that my problem had been waved away so casually. I went up to my bedroom, still thinking about it. I understood that the worry was irrelevant to my dad, but I knew it was huge to me. I marched downstairs and confronted him.
‘There are no big or small worries,' I blurted out, 'a worry is as big as you think it is.’
I’m not sure if this is an epigram but fifty five years have passed and I do try to be sympathetic to other people's worries, however small and insignificant they appear to be. Of course, there's always an exception to the rule. I'm afraid my other half gets short shrift for football, Emmerdale or Coronation Street worries. After all, he, himself has been a worry to me for forty odd years. He needs to realize that worry is a lot bigger than a lost match or a missed episode.
Or is it? I'll have to ask him.
I went looking for my worry dolls. I must be bad - I have two sets.
Looking for an epigram poem to go with this post, I came across the following which I thought was quite appropriate.
Sir I admit your general rule
But you, yourself, may serve to show it
That every fool is not a poet.
Samuel Coleridge
Thanks for reading, and happy worrying....... Jill Reidy Email ThisBlogThis!Share to TwitterShare to Facebook
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