I started to get the old 'something has to go wrong soon', 'I don't deserve to feel this happy' feelings that we all know too well.
Why do we feel that way sometimes? Why do I always hit the sabotage button on my happiness?
I really got to thinking about why this is and Ive come to realize that while everyone gets these feelings, it's more common in women (from my experience and in my opinion). Why?
Some people are probably reading this and thinking it's because we have more active hormones than men and some women who are mums, feel guilty that they're enjoying themselves because it's as if they're not focused on the happiness of their children, which of course is a load of crap.
The real answer in my opinion, comes down to society.
We as women have been brainwashed into believing that it is our responsibility to make sure everyone is cared for and happy above our own wellbeing and happiness.
As an example of this, society tells new mothers that even if they are unwell or unable to, that breastfeeding is necessary. By society, I don't just mean Men. I have come across so many judgemental Judy's on social media and forums where women chastise other women for deciding against breastfeeding.
Another example is the protests against abortion. Some women choose not to have a child for a number of reasons. Physical health issues, mental health issues, financial issues, relationship issues and a whole load of other reasons that has puff all to do with society and everything to do with the woman. We're raised to believe that even if we are so unwell we cannot cope, that it's our responsibility to care for everything but our own wellbeing.
I'm a single woman who at 31 has more than felt the pressures of society to the point where I find it easier to give myself a hard time because I know that if I don't, I'll be frowned upon.
The constant questions about my relationship status, why I'm not married, why I don't have kids, why I'm not thin, why I don't drive, why I live at home, it's never ending and it's the real reason I stop myself from being too happy.
It feels like there's always a 'to do' list that we as women must tick off before we're allowed to be happy but that list will always be never ending. Take it from someone who never allows herself to be happy or content, do what makes you happy. Life is too short.
H x
