Family Magazine

Why Being a Young Mom Was Selfish

By Jeska @WandererJeska

Why Being a Young Mom Was SelfishThis post might cause an uproar but I’ve had this topic on my mind a lot recently. I know all babies are different, that’s for sure but when it comes to raising a child at different stages and ages of your life, I feel like I’m finally understanding that being a young mom was selfish. My dreams were to get married around 25 and have my first kid when I was 27. While I was 27 when I had Baby M, Little E came at the young age of 21. Maybe that’s not young in some people’s eyes but for me, it was.

Constantly I reflect back to when Little E was a baby and how I cared for him. I did everything for him but honestly, I don’t think I was as great of a mother as I could have been. I was surrounded by plenty of young moms around my age and we collectively raised our children the same way to a degree. We had our lives and the kids had theirs. We had errands to run and the kids always made everything difficult. Going out was a struggle because we would have to pay for a sitter to enjoy ourselves. We loved our kids but they could be more of an inconvenience then the coping mechanism many had hoped for. Gasp! Yes, I said that. Its a hard pill to swallow and maybe some of the moms would never admit this but in reality that’s what they were back then. Believe me, I feel terrible for saying that but the more I reflect, the more I realize how selfish I was.

I was young and had my own agenda. I would hang out with my closest mom friends and we would have get togethers at each other’s houses and when the kids would cry, we would get irritated. You know, babies are suppose to know what they want and sleep through the night, duh. Everyone matures differently but after being a military wife and witnessing many young mothers with the same struggles I had back then, its really eye opening to look back on.

I honestly loved being a military wife but the rumors are true most of the time. You marry a man in the military young and you start popping out babies. Why is that? Well the military can easily strain your marriage. I saw many couples struggle on deployments, I saw cheating to no end, I saw wives completely shut themselves out of everyone’s lives because they couldn’t cope. So when your husband finally comes home you inadvertently make babies. Babies help heal the loneliness. Or so everyone thinks.

Now that I have had my second child at 27, I’ve realized even more so how being a young mother was incredibly selfish. Yes, my oldest was loved and cared for and was never put in harm’s way but the level of mothering is so different now that I’m older. I’m not as naive about my children’s healthcare options or the foods I allow them to eat. I’m more conscious of what they know and are learning quickly on a daily basis.

I’m so proud of the boys I have raised thus far but if I could offer any advice to young couples out there it would be to wait. Enjoy being young and married. Enjoy the freedom of not constantly worrying. Enjoy dashing out of town on a whim with only the clothes on your back. Just enjoy each other until you know without a doubt that having a child together is not a choice out of boredom, loneliness, pressure, or to keep your relationship together.

Do you feel you had your first child at the right age for you?

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