Trigger Warning: THIS is not a real political post. THIS is humor and satire. Not meant to offend or upset anyone. Just a “Giggle Getter”.
With the upcoming elections in 2020, we should all be prepared for a real shitshow no matter what. From now till the election day (and beyond) we are going to see some real shit go down. And it doesn’t even matter what party you represent. So let’s think about this. Is it time for a woman? A woman in Midlife? Midlife Margaritas? YESSSSSSSSSSSS!
First, let’s take some deep breaths and meditate. We need to clear our minds and open our souls for what comes next. I am suggesting we all stop watching the news. (All of the news channels). We need to have a daily cocktail, do some yoga, listen to calming music, exercise more, eat healthier and get on anxiety meds. If you don’t have a therapist, get one and meet with him/her weekly. THIS might help us get through elections at least a little better. OH…stay off social media. Except Midlife Margaritas social accounts and blog! My job will be to keep the fun and giggles coming. Consider me your new motivational, life coach, therapist!
BUT. What if I really ran for president!? What if I BECAME the next president? Here’s what I would do to improve the US of A:
- I would do a complete She Shed makeover in the oval office. That place needs some pink and gold! Lots of fluff too. Pineapples and pink flamingos everywhere. How about we paint the White House exterior with Sherwin-Williams ‘Agreeable Gray’?
- Mandatory cocktail/appetizer hours from 4-5 every day. Chips and salsa, tacos, mozzarella sticks and ranch….If you don’t drink booze, have a Shirley Temple!
- We would have one news channel. They would only be allowed to read the facts of all news stories. No opinions or speculations. If they give fake news, they go to prison.
- Term Limits to all politicians. No pensions, retirement packages or frills. Not even insurance. They have to pay their way just like everyone else. Plus they would have to do community service hours in their districts every month. Keep ’em humble.
- No homework for children in public schools. More recess/PE and less time sitting in a class!
- Celebrities and Movie actors will work for free. They will need a real people job to live.
- Athletes too. Sorry but our first responders and service oriented workers should get paid a lot more than Athletes and actors. Teachers will be paid handsomely and never be allowed to pay for classroom items again.
- All public schools will offer FREE breakfast, lunches and dinners for those who stay late after school.
- All shopping items will always be on sale. NO high price markups. Amazon will deliver everything within minutes! All stores will offer free snacks too.
- ABC/liquor stores will deliver with no delivery charge. AND bring a pizza if needed.
- Yoga would be mandatory in prisons and school detention classes. As well as team building classes and art classes.
- We would all take one day a month to go do our own community service. Clean up the ocean, feed the hungry, clean up the streets and be kind to others. Sounds so simple yet there are so many f***ers who won’t be able to handle it. There would be a special jail for these people.
- I would make a law that we would triple the amount of karaoke and dance bars in every city. End every night with “I Will Survive” by Gloria Gaynor in a group sing-a-long.
- Another law I would add: no talk about politics or social issues unless it can be done without arguing. Protests and Riots would get you banished to a country where they don’t give a rats ass about human rights.
- Finally I would make sure that all older people have a place to live and thrive in their golden years with no fear of running out of money or being abused. Someplace where they get love daily and are happy. Right up till the end. And The Golden Girls will play on their TVs everyday.
There are so many more things to add but you get my drift. We can make America Fun again! Peace, Love and Margaritas!
What would you do if YOU were president?
