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Where Am I?

By Immydog
I am tired. 
Having experienced some personal tragedies, as well as some rescue related tragedies and dilemmas, I am mentally and physically exhausted.  I am shocked that I have let the blog set idle for this long, as it is my therapy, and my friend, but even now I am stretching to find something to write about, and this is the best I could come up with.  I feel as though I owe people an explanation of where I am and why I have been silent.
I am tired.
Rescue burns people out.  It burns people out emotionally, physically, and financially.  It can do so quickly.  I am not at my breaking point, so do not interpret this as a retirement letter.  But I am tired and our work seems futile in the grand scheme of things.
Rescue people learn to focus on the eyes of the animals within their care to keep them going on a day to day basis.  I feel as though I cannot focus on that one face anymore.  I am distracted.  There is too much I cannot do, and the job seems undo-able.  The scale of what is needed to protect animals is astronomical and feels completely out of my hands as an individual.  I feel like a salmon swimming up a neverending stream with a current so strong I cannot make it to the destination I seek.  I feel my contribution is just an insignificant drop in that stream.
I am tired.
I am trying to focus on gaining my health back by working out and eating better and actually having conversations with friends that are unrelated to animals and rescue.  I am trying to focus on the few animals we have in our rescue without being intimidated by the mass killing of dogs and cats in shelters, the overbreeding of dogs and cats in mass production puppy mills, and the overall apathy and inaction of people who really do care about animals but justify their inaction with, "I just couldn't do what you do."
I am tired of being tired.
I will continue to write at some point, and I will continue to rescue because both of these are an integral part of who I am. 
But I have to find the me who can be there for family, and friends, the me who can trust people, the me who is not synical and depressed, the me who can smile and laugh sincerely, and the me who is not the automaton who seems to have taken over my life.
I have to find me. 
If you see me anywhere, tell me to come home.
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