I’ve mentioned before a few times about our approach to parenting being a bit more “hands-off”…allowing them to decide a lot of things that we don’t feel are “right or wrong” decisions like what kind of haircut they want, or what kinds of clothes they want to wear, etc.
Other things are mandatory, like eating the healthy food that I prepare for them, helping out, looking for ways to be useful, and being polite, kind, and generous.
I’m also not big on “rescuing” my kids from things. I really want them to learn, experience, problem solve, and work out issues themselves. Sometimes, this means letting them get hurt and standing back as they fail.
However, tonight at baseball I jumped into “savior” mode when I noticed that Henry had peed himself while playing 1st base.
I hopped over with a plan to whisk him quickly home before anyone noticed so that he wouldn’t be embarrassed.
However, much to my surprise, this is how our conversation went:
“Oh Honey, did you have an accident?”
Henry “No, I just peed myself because I didn’t want to have to stop playing baseball”
Me *blink…blink* “um…well next time just run over into the bushes ok?”
Henry “ok, maybe. but I don’t want to have to stop playing.”
“are you sure?”
Henry “Mom, it’s FINE, I don’t mind!”
*turns around and resumes practice*
I knew he was competitive and loved sports, but this?
Runners do this too, right?
Anyhow, it was the first time that I can remember where he didn’t want to be rescued. It wasn’t an accident, he had simply decided that peeing himself was a better option than missing even 2 minutes of baseball practice.
And really, I’m not that surprised. This is the same boy who insisted on going for a 1 mile run every day (crying through side-stitches) so that he would be the best on his soccer team…and by the end of the season, he was.
So, even though I was kinda and grossed out, and fighting the urge to wonder what the other moms were thinking, I went with it.
He finished practice, I put his brother’s old t-shirt underneath him in his booster seat, and he hopped in the shower as soon as we got home.
Never mentioned it again.
Maybe part of this is just him being a boy, or being four, but it made me think.
How quick am I to rescue my boys? When do they truly need to be rescued, and when am I stunting their growth as individuals and future men in doing so?
I don’t want to put ideas in his heads that aren’t necessary, like that he “should” be embarrassed when he simply isn’t. We live in a world so full of concern about what others are thinking, or what is “taboo” that I wonder how often this drastically changes the decisions that people make in their lives.
Would this mentality cause a person to choose a nice, safe vocation over one that might attract criticism and judgement but that he is passionate about? I don’t want Henry to forsake his calling because of what “someone” might think.
Because there will always be ”someone” who disagrees, who will give a testimonial of how the same thing went terribly wrong for them, or will argue that the “safe and normal” is the best way to go.
Obviously, I don’t want him to grow into an adult man who pees himself in public, but I don’t’ think thats at risk here.
Had my husband and I heeded this “safe” advice, we would not be married and he would not be a musician: two of the things that truly define who we are.
So, I decided that I didn’t care. If my kid really wanted to pee himself so that he could stay focused on his game, so be it. Because it really just doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.
I doubt that in a year he will make this same decision. Honestly, I think it will be an awesome reminder for him to pee before we leave for practice without me having telling him to.
Like I always say in these posts, I could be wrong. Time will tell. But until then, I choose freedom.
live well. be well.
Related Posts:
a boy and a bus and God’s future men
despite the bees
