Self Expression Magazine

What I Want From FIFA 14

By M00kyst @mookyst
Note: I tried to write this in a serious, mature, tone, however even just writing about the problems with FIFA made me filled with rage to the point where it turned more into a rant than anything else. Expect a LOT of language...
What I Want From FIFA 14
FIFA 14 was announced a day or so ago along with some of the new features it will include. However despite how seemingly awesome all of this new info was, I just couldn't get excited over it. I couldn't work out why and then it hit me:
I am very much torn between loving and hating FIFA 13 because it is a completely issue ridden product, and for all the new things that FIFA 14 seems to be offering I just couldn't get excited because how do we know it isn't going to be a problem filled mess like its predecessor? We all expected FIFA 13 to kick ass, and it did in some ways, however it was also a shambles in other ways too. All I want is EA to pull themselves together and produce a good football game. Not glitch or issue filled; just a good game. That's all I want. I want to be able to buy and play FIFA 14 and review it with confidence. But I can't. Not until they fix they massive problems that FIFA 13 first had. I mean, look at that game. They're already talking about the next installment and they haven't even fixed the previous one yet. Jesus fucking Christ EA, and you wonder why you were voted worst company if America? 

Anyway, let's take a look at what I want from FIFA 14. 
No More Scripting Or Momentum 

The long running argument of whether or not FIFA online is scripted and has a built in momentum system that basically dictates how matches play out is an uncertain one.Is it scripted? Does it have momentum in it? In my experience only Ultimate Team suffers from this issue, not other modes like Seasons. My proof? Well like everyone else I don't have any solid evidence. However I know, I just KNOW, from personal experience, that there is something up with FUT. Sometimes I boss. I own the opposition. Sometimes it is all my own doing; I literally just dominate them. Other times I win, but I don't know how. I only got 6 shots on target yet scored 3 goals. OK, no biggie, but how come they owned me with 13 shots on target and got 1 goal? I played someone the other day and got 11 shots on target yet scored only 1 goal. They got 3 shots on target and scored 4 goals. Yes, they got more goals than the amount of shots that were actually on target. ................Yeah anyway, so you see what I'm saying there. This has nothing to do with chemistry or players either. Like I just pointed out; you can dominate but still fail, how? How does this work EA? How?I can tell when something isn't right in a game too. It might be that the ball always rebounds into the opponents feet and never mine. That my AI defenders formation is a total mess. My strikers hobble about and don't move or make runs properly. My players can't pass to save their stupid non existent animated lives and my goalkeeper starts acting like Julio Cesar. Any consistent FIFA player can tell when a match if not right from a mile off. What's more, as I said before, none of this is relevant in other online modes, only FUT.How can I win and dominate almost every game I play in seasons and constantly play well with no 'off matches', yet all this changes when I play FUT? I don't get it. It's not like all the players that play Seasons are shit and all FUT players are pros. Something is seriously wrong here and whether it is simply scripting or momentum or both, it NEEDS to be stopped. EA, pulls yourselves together and fix it; NOW. People actually use real money in FUT and ripping them off is not cool. Not even in the fucking slightest. FIFA 14 should not contain any form of scripting or momentum. Got it? Stop With The Glitchy GameplayIt's 1-1 in the 90th minute in an intense FUT match that decides whether you get relegated or stay in your current division. You've just found out there is only 1 minute of added time. You pass the ball to one of your midfielders and begin to counter-attack. This. Is. It. This is the deciding moment. You do a few step overs and get past one of the opponents players. You pass to one of your strikers. Try to turn but get blocked and pass it back out to your midfielder with the intent of doing a slick one-two and passing it back to your striker as he makes a run. However as me makes the run, and you pass the ball to him, he goes flying through the air after bundling into one of your opponents defenders and lies face down on the floor. The ball rolls slowly out of play for a goalkick and the whistle blows. It's over. You are getting relegated. All because of some stupid fucking gameplay fucking glitch shitty thing that totally fucked you the fuck over like a motherfucker.FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKK.Glitches in gameplay are constant in FIFA 13. So fucking constant. And you know what? They all started after they implemented that dumb fucking body recognition shit or whatever that makes players look better and move in a more realistic way. What they didn't mention it also does, when they put it in the game, is it makes your players as light as a feather and stupid as a fucking stupid thing and trip over opponents, fall over randomly, bundle into each other and go flying through the air ALL FOR NO FUCKING REASON ALL THE FUCKING TIME.This is it. Everyone's sick of it, including me. We're sick of it EA. Implement your fucking realistic body system but FIX IT FIRST. No more glitches, OK? No more fucking tripping over randomly, OK? No more falling over opponents when trying to make a run, OK? No more bundling into each other like a couple of sexually manic rabbits, OK? No more, just, fucking people over, OK? OK? OKAY? If FIFA 14 is still as glitchy as FIFA 13 in the gameplay department then I am going to personally e-mail you a billion times until you apologize to all people who bought the fucking game. FIX. IT. 

Servers That Work

EA you are worth over a billion dollars. Now stop masturbating to and with that money and use it to make your servers, uh, how should I put it? WORK BECAUSE THEY'RE FUCKING PIECES OF SHIT AT THE MOMENT AND THEY DESERVE TO BE DESTROYED WITH A NUCLEAR BOMB SO POWERFUL IT ALSO HAPPENS TO DESTROY ALL THE EA OFFICES.In FIFA 14 I expect: no more DNFs because your piece of shit servers disconnected me. No more random disconnects for fuck all reason. No more random lag that disrupts the entire game and is no ones fault but your own. No more FUT auction crashes and shit because your servers are too shit to handle all that data. And no more matching bronze fucking teams with in-form Ronaldo, Messi, Neymar and Falcao filled teams, OK? Seriously, are you taking the piss? Are you literally taking a piss all over your customers? I think so. Yes, I am saying you are pissing on your customers. Don't start shitting on them too by not fixing it in FIFA 14.
Career mode crashes and freezes when using normal teams. Career mode crashes and freezes when using creation center teams. Career mode crashes and freezes when you try to navigate the menus. FUT crashes and freezes. Seasons crashes and freezes. Freezes and crashes during gameplay. Freezes and crashes ga-fucking-lore.As you can probably tell, FIFA contains a LOT of crashes and freezes. But not just occasional. Oh noooo. We're talking game breaking. Like, people couldn't use career mode  for ages due to freezes. I still can't use my creation center teams in career mode either as they haven't fixed that. They haven't fixed a lot of things. In fact, the game was unplayable in some ways for months after release until they finally, and successfully, patched it. It is still kind of broken too. When I buy a game, I expect to be able to use it in every way it CAN be used. If you're offering a career mode then make sure it fucking works. As I mentioned earlier; EA are worth millions upon millions of dollars, yet budget developers making budget games make them more consistent than EA make their own? How does that work? It's not rocket science EA: make sure people can use their games upon release. I expect to be able to use FIFA 14 when I buy it, however I admit that I am far from sure that I will be able to. EA needs to make sure that FIFA 14 is free of crashes and glitches. Otherwise why buy it in the first place if you can't even play it?

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