I am a self made woman, have brought up my daughter single handedly,given her the best of education who, now is now preparing to appear for IAS next year. I got out of a marriage without alimony , without any support, everything that I have, I made it on my own...I may not be very rich but we afford most luxuries one asks for in life. My independence helped me emerge as a strong , fiercely independent, and a very proud woman.Though I am head strong but am extremely emotional and sensitive person. I live in a nutshell and am afraid of letting some one in my domain and made me a loner . I try to find happiness in small things .I am reasonably good looking , intelligent , a fitness freak that has helped me remain in a good shape and men have never been a problem for me. But I have been looking for some one who I could connect with , am compatible with and has all the qualities I look for in a man.My friends often tell me that I should be willing to make some compromise somewhere and that makes me question myself "what do i lack that i should compromise"? And probably my attitude has been one of the major obstacles in finding the right man for me.
Recently I met a man who was cut out to be the kind of man I want in my life , well educated , reasonably good looking , well settled in life though I believe such men are not difficult to find , but what appealed to me most about him was we had a lot in common , which is passion for plants , music and great love for dogs .Things seemd quite rosy initially but the cons were too heavy on me and those were his divorce is still not through , he has 4 cases against him filed by his wife on grounds of domestic violence , and he had broken off from a relationship just 2 months back , when his girlfriend dumped him for reasons best known to him .
What ever time i spent with him he would talk about nothing but the miseries he went through when he was with his wife or in a relationship with this woman (who is a rich lady,divorced with two grown up two and has some problem with her physical appearance which i would not like to mention . She built a new house in one of the posh colonies with one extra floor for him to stay and treated him like a piece of loaf that according to him was reason for them to break off)
I willingly accepted his past as I believe in moving on with life where past has no place and nor is a reason enough to sit back and sulk over . But whatever little association I had with him , I never felt I was alone with him for a moment ,as he would only talk about his wife or his girlfriend and indulge in to self pity all the time. The situation became unbearable for me ,to top it up , since he lives alone in a farm house he starts drinking in the day time ,sleeps after lunch to start drinking again at 7pm and drink till he is dead. Initially I felt its his loneliness that he tries to kill but later on I realised its more of an addiction for him and he desperately needs some counseling or needs to go to a rehab to quit drinking . Things began to get worse, when he would want to talk to me in drunk state at night , when he was in half senses ,and if I hung up the phone on him he would send me few messages which I would delete in the morning without reading them. And one fine day when his girlfriend saw me escorting him in one of the parties reappeared and tryied to come back which was not acceptable to me at all . Not that i have anything against that girl but when I told this guy not to take her calls or exchange messages pouring out grievances against each other , he would promise not to do that but when the alcohol took over him , he would repeat and finally i refused to meet him until he sorted out his life . Now his cousin intervened and put some sense in to him . i met him again along with his cousin who assured me that one monkey is off his back and this man will need my support to have the other woman off his back ,which I agreed upon provided he decides to move on and signe either a pre nup with me or gave me some sort of security as his divorce is pending in high court for four years and might take few more years . And if I am giving my time to this relationship ,5 years or 10 years from now I may not have the opportunity to find another man as I am not going to get any younger,and where as his drinking issues were concerned I was sure to have helped him get out of it but the day his cousin left his drinking drama started all over again which made me move away from him , and finally I said good bye to him after he sent me instigating messages like " he was having good fun with his girl friend even now and stuff."
At times I feel I am being too practical , or should i have been a little more adjusting but no I certainly don't deserve a man who comes with a baggage no matter how good or bad he may be.And a man with two women on his back, who haunt his mind and life is not at all my cup of tea , as is I am a victim of infidility and
a man who tries instigating me with his messages about having good time with his girlfriend describing the events is absolutely disgusting . I have better things to do in life than mud slinging . I certainly dont deserve this filth and am happy with my daughter, writing my poetry ,with my three dogs,my plants and my regular workout .
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