It's been a while because I needed a little me time....and because I am doing some changing. Now when I say this to others their response is "but you don't need to change?". So first of all I think it is important to state what I mean by change here. Change is not about making differences to my integral being...I am still the same person, I have the same beliefs, I have the same principles. What I am addressing here is changing my thought processes, functionality within my thinking and learning new communication skills. I am undertaking this because I have been very lost since being diagnosed with MCTD and that has meant that I have lost a lot of things that are dearly important to me.
This change is by me for me and will lead to a far more open and well rounded future. It has also, surprisingly lead to a complete change in how I view my diagnosis...something I really didn't see happening. We are given things in life without a hand book. My dad always told me that when you have kids you are not given an instruction manual...I didn't realize the importance of what he was saying until the past couple of weeks...but he, as always, was right. You only get certain time to realize visions, implement change and build on the life you have and none of these come with any instructions...you make it up as you go along.
Sometimes you get it wrong as we are human beings, but when you do you identify the issues and then identify HOW they have arisen and WHY. This is what I have been doing of late....HOW has this illness taken over my being simply using fear and HOW have I let this happen.
Implementing change
Change is not something that happens over night and certainly not something you can simply pretend to do. It takes time, energy and effort to change you thought processes about your illness and your future. One of the best ways I have been finding to do this is to work with CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy).
One of the great things about CBT is that it doesn't try to change YOU - you are lovely just as you are. What it does is change your perception of what is happening, develops skills for effective communication and tackles fears in a way that you can work through them rather than just talk about them. Actions speak louder than words...well trust me they do...I have taken so much action recently I finally feel like I have found a sense of present self rather than future self....a very important distinction.
Once you have started to work through the things you want to change, you can implement them into your everyday. It may be that you need more confidence, so you make sure that everyday you do something that builds upon your confidence..speak to a stranger or give a talk at work etc. For me I have trouble letting people help me, so everyday I am accepting help with a smile and asking for it when I need it. I am talking more, I am allowing people who want to help me to help me. The strange thing about this...it turns out I don't need as much help now because I have learnt the distinction between self help and asking for help from those who love me.
So in short...things are changing...so get ready everybody for Cass version 2.0....due to be released..well soon!
