In most English weddings: boy meets girl, girl likes boy, boy proposes to girl, both families do not get much of a say in the matter, boy and girl save money, wedding is held and voila. But in Nepal, this is a completely different story. The parents get a huge say, if not the whole say, if the boy and girl can be together or not. There are also many matters of status that need to be upheld when planning a wedding, which no doubt the parents will enjoy overseeing.
I have always dreamed of my wedding being simple, affordable and suiting/reflective of our personalities. I have always dreamed that I will plan my wedding from top to bottom and be able to control everything. But then I met M and all the things I wanted were suddenly the opposite of his culture.
In Nepal, there are several things about weddings that I don’t particularly like. They all come under one heading: the gifts. Unfortunately, the dowry system is still prominent in Nepal (money that is paid from the bride’s family to the groom’s) the amount of money that we are talking about makes me feel sick – anywhere from £10,000-£20,000 in villages where people are living in poverty. In the main city of Kathmandu, if dowry is not paid up front in cash then it will be given in gifts. The groom’s side will ask the bride’s to buy them cars, furniture, sarees, gold and whatever else they can get away with. Of course, the bride’s side will oblige as the bride’s family will have taken loans or sold their property. In Nepal, when daughters marry it is a huge deal with no extravagance spared. Families will go as far as being hugely in debt just to save face and make sure their daughter is married off.
When the pre wedding purchases have been settled then the marriage and engagement can be held. For a daughters wedding, in Nepal, the cost is about £40,000. On the actual day, the bride arrives at the ceremony first where she carries out pujas with the priest. After the groom arrives, his family bring trays of fruits, nuts and sweets for the bride’s family and lay them out for all the guests to see.
Once all the guests have managed to have a look and comment how generous the groom is, then the suitcases are wheeled in. When I saw this, I naively assumed that this was the bride’s belongings she would be taking to the groom’s house. However, the suitcases are filled with gifts from the groom to the bride. At the wedding I recently attended there were three huge suitcases, one filled with make up, and the other two brimming with gold and sarees and various clothes. In total there were 45 sarees from the groom, all luxurious and extravagant. After the bride has received the gifts she leaves to change into the saree and gold that the groom has given her to wear.
I was so shocked at how much money is spent on gifts and Nepali weddings. As we will get married in Nepal it will not be possible for many of my family to come, leaving the guest list hugely imbalanced with 50 of M’s closest family to buy gifts for. Not even considering the guest list problems. In a wedding that M recently attended, there were 1000-2000 people pushing the cost of the place to hire, food and drinks to serve, etc. I would much rather save all the gift money and pay for family life and a nice honeymoon. It is sad that the marriage is not just a union of two people but a showcase of wealth and fame of the families as well. As much as I really wanted a huge Nepali wedding, I’ll never be able to afford to get married like a Nepali.
