"We Won’t Do Elf on the Shelf Because Mom Has Enough Trouble Getting Cookies Baked Over Christmas...."

“We won’t do Elf on the Shelf because mom has enough trouble getting cookies baked over Christmas. The tooth fairy only brings a quarter. There is no adjustment for inflation. Your birthday cake will probably always come from the store, as will your Valentine’s cards for school. I didn’t buy baby moccasins because the ROI on that investment was one good Instagram picture. Your food won’t be all organic. Yes, I used formula. Walk to school. There is no second breakfast or special dinner for you. I don’t do grocery cart covers or antiseptic wipes. I don’t care if that kid took your toy, get it back yourself, that’s street justice. I don’t care if the neighbor sneezed on you, the flu happens. Time out occurs at anytime or anywhere, so be on alert.” —

Lyz Lenz (How to Raise a Kid Who Isn’t Whiny and Annoying)

I’d like to add a special message to my tantruming son:

Feel, deal and heal, bud.

(Source: no-evidence-of-intelligence, via gaveupjesusforwine)