Humor Magazine

We Need A Joke Badly. Today For My Italian Friends

By Eowyn @DrEowyn

Folks If you are Italian you will get em all. If your not you’ll probably understand some, but trust me they are all true.   :D


You know you’re Italian when…..

Why do Italians hate Jehovah’s Witnesses?
Because Italians hate all witnesses.
Do you know why most men from Italy are named Tony?
On the boat over to America
they put a sticker on them that said

You know you’re Italian when . . .
You can bench press 325 pounds,
shave twice a day and
still cry when your mother yells at you.

You carry your lunch in a produce bag
because you can’t fit two cappicola ( Gah-bah-gool) sandwiches,
4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles
into a regular lunch bag.
Your mechanic, plumber, electrician,
accountant, travel agent and lawyer
are all your cousins.

You have at least 5 cousins
living in the same town or
on the same block.
All five of those cousins
are named after your
grandfather or grandmother.
You are on a first name basis
with at least 8 banquet hall owners

You only get one good shave
from a disposable razor.

If someone in your family grows beyond 5′ 9′,
it is presumed his Mother had an affair.

There were more than 28 people
in your bridal party.

You netted more than $50,000
on your first communion.

know you’re Italian when . . . .

Your grandfather had a fig tree.
You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.
Christmas Eve . . . only fish.
Your mom’s meatballs are the best.
You’ve been hit with a wooden spoon
or had a shoe thrown at you.

You know how to pronounce
‘manicotti’  and ‘mozzarella.’   

(mon-e-gaut/ mutz-uh -ell)

You fight over whether it’s called
‘sauce’ or ‘gravy.’

You’ve called someone a ‘mamaluke.’
And you understand ‘bada bing’.


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