Pearl

LATEST ARTICLES ( 713 )

• Wherein the Angst is Palpable

  Ashley cannot get over how unfair her job is. Yesterday was the second time in a month that she’d been asked to pick up a lunch for the VP she supports.“Do you... Read more

  Posted on 07 January 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I'll Take Freaks on the Bus for $100, Alex

  Lately, there’s been an excessive amount of ugliness on the bus: angry parents; sweatpants with disturbingly stressed seams; unprecedented sharing of one’s... Read more

  Posted on 06 January 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• What The Cleaning Ladies Are Talking About

  I pick her up after work. No time today: I change out of my office clothes, grab my cleaning supplies, and hit rush hour traffic in time to sit motionless... Read more

  Posted on 05 January 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part Two: What Happened to the Fence; Or Nothing Good Happens After You’re Kicke...

  You didn’t miss part one of this little tale, did you? It was posted yesterday. Go ahead – go back and read it. We’ll wait for you.George lifts her beer. “You... Read more

  Posted on 04 January 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part One: Funny Story, That Fencing

  I am staring out the bus window.It is late summer. All things in Minnesota, by the way, are referenced by season, and I recall the grass, the warm breeze, the... Read more

  Posted on 03 January 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Farm Animal; Or Someday, Jon’s Going to Sort This Guy Out

  “I told Mary, when I handle this guy, I’m gonna tear off both ears and stick my left thumb in his eye until it pops out. It’s gonna dangle on a string, an... Read more

  Posted on 02 January 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Are Those PAW PRINTS on My Laptop?

  I thought the woman would never leave. And now that she’s out…Don’t get me wrong. The woman is, shall we say, a fully adequate housekeeper. My meals are on... Read more

  Posted on 31 December 2012 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The Bus Stop, Mid-70s

  Having grown up in a series of trailers parks, I can tell you that one way to judge an area is by its children. The following is one in a number of short storie... Read more

  Posted on 30 December 2012 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Medical Advice That Will Blow Your Mind

  I come from a long line of people who believe that nothing says “cure-all” like a good bowel movement.“Mom, I’ve got a headache.”“Have you pooped?”We’re full... Read more

  Posted on 29 December 2012 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• He's Probably Described Us to The Police by Now

  My first book, I Was Raised to be A Lert, is now available via smashwords. Why not download it today?I went to the Laundromat with Mary Monday. Read more

  Posted on 28 December 2012 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• This Looks Like a Dream I Once Had, Or Holy Smokes, What Happened to This Road?

  With the band of weirdos that boarded the bus this morning and a head cold that is threatening to franchise, you'd think I'd have more to say than this re-post... Read more

  Posted on 27 December 2012 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Now with More Facial-Hair Observance!

  There will be a bit of re-posting from now until New Year's. Just too much going on! For instance, did you know that my first book, "I Was Raised to be A Lert"... Read more

  Posted on 26 December 2012 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• It Doesn't Have to Be Complex

  When I was a child, there was a strip mall a couple blocks down with a dry cleaner’s at one end; and there wasn’t a day that Danny didn’t stand outside of it. Read more

  Posted on 25 December 2012 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• All of These People Are Harshing My Holiday Buzz

  It may be five degrees above zero (-15 Celsius) but that’s not going to stop some of us, apparently, from strapping everything we own to a baby stroller (I’m... Read more

  Posted on 23 December 2012 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Didn't You Get Me A Box of Saltines LAST Year, Mom?

  It’s been an orgy of gift-wrapping at the house, and frankly, I’m exhausted.Wrapping paper, scissors, Scotch tape, ribbon, kittie treats…Liza Bean Bitey (of... Read more

  Posted on 22 December 2012 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Bus Logic: If There Are Twelve People Standing in the Aisle and Eight People...

  It is 20 degrees outside, dark by 5:00 in the week before Christmas; and the bus patrons are packed in tightly, pressed against each other like sweaty,... Read more

  Posted on 21 December 2012 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The Shovel Rides for Free

  I watched a man get off the bus carrying a shovel yesterday morning. Not a snow shovel, mind you, but a digging, turning-over-the-earth style of shovel. Read more

  Posted on 20 December 2012 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I'm Only Thinking of My Sister, Or Oooh! Look! Mail!

  

  I wrote last night, as I usually do, but what you see before you is a re-post. Why? Because what I wrote last night can be found over at La Tejana, where I am... Read more

  Posted on 19 December 2012 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Wherein My Body Has a Firm Word with My Brain

  My body has had quite a lot to say recently.It started talking last Thursday, when I developed the headache that I now carry with me at all times. Read more

  Posted on 18 December 2012 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I Still Don't Trust That Bowl

  Mary's going over to Willie's to clean the house.I’m co-hosting a party.Saturday night is Misfit Christmas, an evening-long celebration starting with food and... Read more

  Posted on 17 December 2012 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION