Pearl

LATEST ARTICLES ( 713 )

• If Maryna Says It, Eet`s True

  A repost from February of 2011. I had drinks with Maryna and Mike last night and therefore, um, failed to get any real writing done.Go figger. Read more

  Posted on 27 January 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• The Boy Has His Demands

  The Boy, as we refer to my One and Only Son, thinks his rent money doesn’t go far enough. Given that he has lived at home since leaving college four years ago, ... Read more

  Posted on 26 January 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Suicidal Behavior in the Work Place

  Burnie had always appeared to be an idiot.But he proved it the night of Ricky’s wedding.I wasn’t there when it happened, but T was.It all happened at the... Read more

  Posted on 25 January 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Wherein We Find Tim Conway in My Muffler

  

  Pearl, who refers to herself in the third-person whilst not feeling well, posts this one about the car before the current car... Enjoy!“Tell me again,” he... Read more

  Posted on 24 January 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Does This Feel Like It Hurts to You?

  If my body calls – and it might – I think you should ignore it.Lord knows I have.I work too hard. Have I mentioned that before? Read more

  Posted on 23 January 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• I Work Full Time; Or, Violence in the Workplace

  Ping!A pop-up appears on my computer screen. I sigh as I read it.“There?” is all it says.It’s a woman I work with, ostensibly a peer.My mother once suggested... Read more

  Posted on 22 January 2013

• You Call That Work? Or As Usual, Mary Started It

  Don't think of it as a re-post. Think of it as a "repeat performance". Yeah. That's the ticket.Another money-making opportunity came our way last Saturday and... Read more

  Posted on 21 January 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Waitress? A Round of Shots for That Table Over There, Please

  The man at the next table has something to say.And he’s been saying it loudly and in clear, decisive tones for a good 20 minutes now. Read more

  Posted on 20 January 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• It's Possible I've Been Affected by the Cold

  I hate to say anything – there are repercussions, after all, for Failure to Keep a Stiff Upper Lip. What with it so early in the season, one likes to pace... Read more

  Posted on 19 January 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• A Little Color Wouldn't Hurt

  Having lived successfully through a turbulent childhood, the 80s/90s/and yesterday, a motorcycle “club” (never say “gang”), and motherhood, I can safely say tha... Read more

  Posted on 18 January 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• A Full Day by 8:00 A.M.

  I’d had a full day before I even got out of bed.“… and as we wind on down the road, our shadows taller than our souls, there walks a lady we all…”I take a heart... Read more

  Posted on 17 January 2013 SELF EXPRESSION

• Of Course, Running in the Opposite Direction is an Option as Well

  The woman on the elevator turns to me. “I have a very serious illness you know,” she says.No. I didn’t know that. But soon I will, and do you know why?Because... Read more

  Posted on 16 January 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part Two: Everyone is Someone's Weirdo

  The cat and I are in search of amusement. “One takes one’s jollies as they come,” she says, handing me my gloves, “and we’ve been rather jolly-less lately. Let’... Read more

  Posted on 15 January 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part One: A Bit of Fresh Air, Perhaps?

  “I just want you to know,” I say, “that I will never, while texting, use the letter “U” for the word “you”.”The cat looks up, a half-smile on her lips. Read more

  Posted on 14 January 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• I'll Bet My Life Would Sound Better If It Were Narrated

  Pearl does not feel well, something she knows is real when she begins to refer to herself in the third person. Please enjoy, then, a repost from 2010. It was... Read more

  Posted on 13 January 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Let Them Eat Skeeters

  A repost from July of last year. It was warm then, so very, very warm, and I was working a graduation party in the sweltering heat...“You look hot,” says a... Read more

  Posted on 12 January 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Ode to My Pants

  Ladies and Gentlemen, we are gathered here today to bid adieu to my gray pants.They were, and now they are no longer.But what can be said of my gray pants?... Read more

  Posted on 11 January 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part II and Finale: Wherein Liza Bean Bitey Tells a Story; Or Discretion is the...

  Part II of II, yesterday being Part I. Haven't read it yet? Go ahead. I'll wait right here until you get back...Liza Bean’s eyes soften with remembrance. “I... Read more

  Posted on 10 January 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Part I: Wherein Liza Bean Bitey Tells a Story; Or Tin and Jonics, On the Cat,...

  I've taken it into my head to write a horror story. And so I am. Please enjoy a repeat from last February, when the nights were long, the commute ice cold, and... Read more

  Posted on 09 January 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION

• Begging as Performance Art

  The man who really can’t play the trumpet is Wynton Marsalis compared to the men who really can’t play the keyboard.Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the... Read more

  Posted on 08 January 2013 HUMOR, SELF EXPRESSION